tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-24726809871064045382024-02-18T19:24:20.309-07:00Jana's NotesJanahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17889201222597280260noreply@blogger.comBlogger63125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2472680987106404538.post-19081562518163797642015-05-20T06:43:00.001-07:002015-05-20T06:43:20.349-07:00First Memories<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
In<a href="http://janasnotes.blogspot.com/2009/06/mother-and-daughter.html" target="_blank"> this </a>post I talk about the mother figures in my life. The one I only mentioned as a RS Mentor was Sherri Flake. She truly was a mom to me, and Clel my other dad. The both passed away in March of 2014. I never thought I would forget a single moment with them, but now time is passing and the memories begin to fade. I'd like to write all I can.<br />
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I believe I met Clel first. He was the 1st counselor in the college ward bishopric. I think it was the second week of school that he asked me to give a talk in church. I had plans to go home that weekend, so I said no. He promised me he would ask again, which he did until I said yes. I don't think we said anything remarkable, but I knew he knew who I was.<br />
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One week I went home, and my whole life fell apart. I returned to EA feeling overwhelmed and afraid. I needed to talk to someone, but who did I know there? I asked to talk to Clel merely because I knew who he was. I don't remember much of what he said, but I do remember that I went in with him and started sobbing about everything that was wrong. He got me to laugh, which was the greatest Heaven-send at the time. He then offered me a blessing. I was shocked-I thought that was just for people who were about to die or in other serious situations. Clel told me no, blessings are the most under utilized tool we have in the church. I do not remember what was said, but I do remember feeling loved and valued.<br />
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I don't remember a single moment where I met Sherri. I think we sat together in RS one day. It was probably the first day, the one where she introduced herself. We got talking, and Sherri invited me to dinner that night. Having a home cooked meal at a family table was literally a gift from heaven. I felt safe and loved in that home, and I didn't feel much of that my first semester of college. I would later learn that they invited college students over every week, but I'm so glad it was me that week.<br />
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I can't remember what I was upset about the first night I just showed up at their doorstep in tears. I just remember thinking "it's 8:30. They aren't going to be too happy with me, but I don't have anywhere else to go." Clel was the one who opened the door and said "Come on in!" with a smile. I grinned at him and said "You just can't get rid of me, can you?" His immediate rejoinder was "We wouldn't want to." Like I said, I don't remember what the problem was, but I do remember how much better I felt afterwards. Knowing there's somewhere you can go makes all the difference in the world. For me, EA could not have been home without the Flakes.</div>
Janahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17889201222597280260noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2472680987106404538.post-55469211749384689132015-01-27T21:02:00.001-07:002015-01-27T21:02:13.042-07:00Adoption Feelings<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
<span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 16.7999992370605px;">I'm not completely sure why I'm posting this in a public space. Maybe I want some validation, maybe I just want to get out of my own headspace. My adoption journey is taking some turns</span><br style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 16.7999992370605px;" /><br style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 16.7999992370605px;" /><a href="https://www.blogger.com/null" name="cutid1" style="background-color: white; color: #ca7dcf; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; font-weight: bold; line-height: 16.7999992370605px; text-decoration: underline;" target="_self"></a><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 16.7999992370605px;">Many of you know I was adopted in infancy. The adoption was closed and there has been no contact with the birthfamily since then. In fact, my parents tried to get medical information when I was 5, but were unable to. I've avoided trying to find her for the past 9 years because she does not know about my birth defects. Very recently I realized I could seriously regret not looking for her sooner if the notion hits me when I'm 50. I don't want to chance, so I'm looking now.</span><br style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 16.7999992370605px;" /><br style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 16.7999992370605px;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 16.7999992370605px;">There are several forums online where mothers talk about the experience of "surrendering" their child. Most of these are very negative and they talk about the horrible regret they feel through their entire lives. They say they wish more than anything that they had kept the baby and raised him/her. That is just crushing for me. I've had a wonderful life. The video below shows my husband and I growing up (I come in at 1:03) and I hope these pictures prove I have a wonderful life. I hope my happiness didn't destroy her life. (You can just ignore him;) )</span><br style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 16.7999992370605px;" /><br />
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<br /><br />I don't need or want another mother. I hope that fact makes her happy as well as sad. I've always known that she loved me more than most people can imagine in order to place me. I've heard people badmouth her for it, but they have no business doing so unless they have the strength to make the same decision. I have always been grateful to her, and even if this doesn't go well, I always will be.<br /><br />I've always figured she thought about me at every birthday and maybe every time she saw someone my age. I'm sure if she is still praying she prays for me. In some ways I feel like I've been a source of great pain for her in the past 27 years even though I don't want to be. I hope reaching out to her might heal some of the pain I imagine she's been through because of me. Hopefully it won't crush her to know I have <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fetal_alcohol_spectrum_disorder" rel="nofollow" style="color: #ca7dcf; font-weight: bold;" target="_blank">Fetal Alcohol Effects</a> and <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cerebral_palsy" rel="nofollow" style="color: #ca7dcf; font-weight: bold;" target="_blank">Cerebral Palsy</a>. Then again, I'm sure she'll have emotional turmoil over the FAE.<br /><br />This journey has been an emotional rollercoaster the likes of which is somewhat similar to finding out I was sexually abused. I am so afraid of what this will bring, but also hopeful that it will be a positive experience for both of us. This is a sticky issue, and I'm sure it wll be hard for her, for me, and I'm not sure what issues it will stir up for my parents.</div>
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All my life, this one song has spoken to me as being from my birth mother. Right now it has me crying pretty big tears.</div>
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Janahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17889201222597280260noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2472680987106404538.post-13762541634626557632014-11-06T23:22:00.000-07:002014-11-06T23:22:30.924-07:00Mixed FeelingsLife is great, you know that? Mine is especially wonderful. Far from perfect, but wonderful. The weather is turning colder, which I LOVE!!!! First of all, Tucson cold is just cold enough to enjoy oneself, and second, it is the harbinger of the holiday season. Bring on the carols, the baking, the merriment, and all other goodness that comes with it! I love sweaters and how hot showers feel so much better in the cold than during the summer. This time of year so many people are bursting with good will. <br />
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I'm a little hesitant to approach this topic because I don't want to be misunderstood. Recently I have really wanted to have a baby. It started shortly after I got married and the desire to have kids of my own grew to the point where it was most of what I thought about each day. I feel empty inside and my work to become a librarian seems paltry in comparison to being a mother. I'm not sure how else to describe it other than to say I feel empty inside. I know being a wife and mother is the most important job I will ever have. After talking to parents I admire, I have come to understand that when two people raise a child together (keeping the Savior first, one another second, and the kids third) it can bring a couple so much closer together and provide much deeper joy. I want that for me and for us. I know there are precious children who are supposed to be in our family. I want to hold them in my arms <br />
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Since I started this conversation I'll tell you I am on birth control. I have an implant in my arm that is more effective than an IUD. Robert and I have fasted and prayed about starting our family and both gotten the clear answer "not now." I need to learn to control my mental health better, I need to finish school, and at least one of us needs to get a full-time job with benefits (now we have 3 part time jobs between the two of us). I also feel strongly that we need a two bedroom place.<br />
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I asked God to comfort me and help me regain my former passion for my studies. I realized I need to be more grateful. I also need to focus on where I am now. I have so many friends who are expecting and so many others who just had babies. I would like to say I love you so very dearly. I love your precious children. If we're close, I feel an attachment to your kids. I love pictures of them and I could probably look at pictures of just your baby on facebook and correctly identify them. HOWEVER I need to step back for now.<br />
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If I think about it too much, that empty feeling comes back. I will have my own babies I have no doubt. But I'm not going to have them right now. At this moment I need to focus on school work and lavishing love on my hubby, nieces, nephews, and the teens I will soon be working with at the Joel D Valdez Main Library. The life I have at this moment is wonderful and I need to love it. I promise I will stay up to date with pictures of you and your babies in the moments I can handle it. I am very happy for you and I want you to continue to share your pictures as you see fit. Please keep sharing your joy.<br />
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I don't want to sound like I'm complaining because I'm not. Some blessings are mine now, some blessings will be mine later, and some day I will have the best of all worlds. Some (many) of you are at a different stage in life than me, and that's in large part because your life path is different from mine. And mine is beautiful. When I allow myself to live in the moment I realize I have more blessings than I can even recognize.Janahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17889201222597280260noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2472680987106404538.post-42294763573136182712014-10-22T23:52:00.001-07:002014-10-22T23:52:31.434-07:00Frustrations and Insecurities<span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 16.7999992370605px;">Today for work we were doing a project where we needed to cut out little squares, laminate them, and then cut them again to make little cards. While I was happy to help, there was one thing I neglected to mention to my bosses. I have very limited fine motor skills in my left hand. I could do the tasks they wanted me to, but I would have to concentrate a lot more, and even then I would be very slow. Normally I don't mention this because it doesn't matter. I avoid crafts like the plague, and in other life areas it makes little to no difference. Well, it makes my handwritting horrible, but that's why I type everything. Part of the reason this sticks out to me is that my mom said she talked to someone recently who feared their child would never have a normal life because of a stroke in infancy. My mom assured the woman that though there were challenges, I have been able to live a somewhat normal life. </span><br style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 16.7999992370605px;" /><br style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 16.7999992370605px;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 16.7999992370605px;">Today I also noticed I've done very little to accomplish my goal of being more vulnerable. I promised I would open up more and I need to do better at that. For the most part I don't even notice my disability, but today I am definitely feeling insecure. By next week this project will be done and I can go back to focusing on what I'm good at, but for now struggling is forcing me to be more humble than normal.</span>Janahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17889201222597280260noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2472680987106404538.post-91252807659276176882014-09-24T18:10:00.003-07:002014-09-24T18:10:45.354-07:00First Miracle Since Last Post<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
<span style="color: #222222; font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 19.6000003814697px;">This morning Hubby kissed me goodbye and left for work, just like every morning. About 2 minutes later he comes back in and says "Jana, my car won't start, can I drive yours today?" That was no problem for today but tomorrow it would be a BIG problem. After looking at it for a few minutes I quickly realized the problem must be with either the starter or the battery. The battery was replaced less than a year ago, so my money was on the starter. Quite literally, as a starter runs around $400. We weren't going to be able to tow it today, and I wanted to avoid towing (read: extra $100) if we could, since we don't have the money to start with. I went outside with the intention to call my cousin Calvin, the Car Whisperer, to see if he knew anything that would help. I got ahold of his wife who told me he was unavailable. Sad day. Before I even hung up my cell, one of our neighbors came to me and said "I'm a mechanic, can I look at your car?" He tried to start it, and it didn't work. He then popped the hood and jiggled a wire. Voila! He then gave us the cost estimate: 75 cents! Yep, you read that right, 3/4 of a dollar. The battery needs to be cleaned off with a can of coke. I tell you, whoever our guardian angels are, they don't get paid enough!</span></div>
Janahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17889201222597280260noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2472680987106404538.post-88557308930422614952014-09-24T17:13:00.001-07:002014-09-24T17:18:26.578-07:00Turning Over a New Leaf<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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So, I promised myself and my lovely Katie (you can find her <a href="http://spark-a-smile.blogspot.com/" rel="nofollow" style="color: #ca7dcf; font-weight: bold;">here</a>) that I would start blogging again.<br />
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I have a problem with blogging. I love writing about my wonderful, happy, perfect, life and sharing the joy I have with friends and family alike. The problem is that my life rarely looks that perfect, so I stop posting. Not any more! This blog is going to be for real. Not gonna lie, I have some picture perfect moments. And I have moments, hours, days, weeks, etc that are not so picture perfect. And I very rarely take pictures anyway for the simple fact that I forget.<br />
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In my quest to be more authentic, I am also starting to publish my story. You can find it on <a href="https://www.fanfiction.net/s/10713780/1/Becoming-a-Dragon" rel="nofollow" style="color: #ca7dcf; font-weight: bold;">ff.net</a> or on <a href="http://archiveofourown.org/works/2352164" rel="nofollow" style="color: #ca7dcf; font-weight: bold;">ao3.org</a> -whichever floats your goat. It's an Avatar the Last Airbender fanfic about my favorite character-Iroh. This goes from the birth of his son to leaving the Fire Nation with Zuko. It's a daunting story to tell, and though I look forward to writing it, I am scared I won't do it justice, though having an experienced beta like <a href="http://ljlee.livejournal.com/" rel="nofollow" style="color: #ca7dcf; font-weight: bold;">ljlee</a> helps.<br />
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In regular life I'm balancing being a newly(ish)wed to my sensitive, loving hubby(love!), going to grad school full time(love/hate), and going to work. So here goes my next adventure!</div>
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Janahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17889201222597280260noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2472680987106404538.post-45642856599003184312014-08-05T18:48:00.001-07:002014-08-05T18:48:51.890-07:00Connection Power<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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Thank heaven for the internet, I would not be where I am
today without it. First of all, my
entire degree is online. There is no way
I could go back to school if I did not have online classes to cater to my
schedule. Sure, correspondence school
has existed since 1840, but with online courses I get to be in an actual class
and develop friendships with my classmates.
I may never have met Shannon Huston in person, but we have collaborated
so much over the last two years, she is my go-to woman when I need ideas.</div>
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Likewise, I have not met Jee in person, or in a class, but she is one
of my most valuable professional resources I have. I may never meet her, seeing as she lives in
Seoul, South Korea, but she is a dear friend and mentor none the less. Because of the internet I have people in my
life I could never have met otherwise, people I now cherish and run to whenever
I have a question.</div>
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Thanks to the internet, I can access resources from all over
the world. The databases of professional
knowledge are invaluable to the communities they serve. School librarianship exists in many countries
and they all do research. Most of my
paper for my class on how children respond to literature was based on research
from Denmark and China. Sure there was
research on children and stories here in the United States, but research on how
stories affect the linguistic development of children? That seems to be taking place on other
continents these days. This commercial may be about television, but it conveys exactly how I feel about the internet:</div>
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The internet is the focus of my study. I am going into library science, which is not
about libraries, per se. It’s all about
the information, and where to find it. Now,
you can find most of it online if you know where to look. Google can be great if you know how to speak
computer, but otherwise it can return a mess.
That is why librarians take classes like “online searching” “online
searching medical” and “online searching music.” Of course, these teach more than just Google. There are so many databases out there-and
they have so many answers! I have Goggled
“latest research on boys transitional literacy” but I will not find something I
could use in an academic paper.</div>
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All these things I mentioned help with academics, but education
is more than just academics. Education is
learning to understand and apply what you know.
Learning to recite information or even explain only one point of view is
not education, it is brainwashing. Because
of the internet any viewpoint is available on any subject. Just recently I read this blog, which
includes information not published in the official channels. </div>
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The internet is
arguably the most powerful tool of our day.
Like all power, it can be used for many different purposes. While this commercial clearly shows some of
the good accomplished via screen, but the following quote by Neil Postman sums
up very well how the internet hinders my education:</div>
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<span style="background: white; color: #181818;">What<span class="apple-converted-space"> </span></span><a href="http://www.goodreads.com/author/show/3706.Orwell" title="Orwell"><span style="background: white; color: #666600; text-decoration: none; text-underline: none;">Orwell</span></a><span class="apple-converted-space"><span style="background: white; color: #181818;"> </span><span style="background: white; color: #181818;">feared were those who would ban books.
What<span class="apple-converted-space"> </span></span></span><a href="http://www.goodreads.com/author/show/3487.Huxley" title="Huxley"><span style="background: white; color: #666600; text-decoration: none; text-underline: none;">Huxley</span></a><span class="apple-converted-space"><span style="background: white; color: #181818;"> </span><span style="background: white; color: #181818;">feared was that there would be no reason
to ban a book, for there would be no one who wanted to read one.<span class="apple-converted-space"> </span></span></span><a href="http://www.goodreads.com/author/show/3706.Orwell" title="Orwell"><span style="background: white; color: #666600; text-decoration: none; text-underline: none;">Orwell</span></a><span class="apple-converted-space"><span style="background: white; color: #181818;"> </span><span style="background: white; color: #181818;">feared those who would deprive us of
information.</span></span><a href="http://www.goodreads.com/author/show/3487.Huxley" title="Huxley"><span style="background: white; color: #666600; text-decoration: none; text-underline: none;">Huxley</span></a><span class="apple-converted-space"><span style="background: white; color: #181818;"> </span><span style="background: white; color: #181818;">feared those who would give us so much
that we would be reduced to passivity and egoism.<span class="apple-converted-space"> </span></span></span><a href="http://www.goodreads.com/author/show/3706.Orwell" title="Orwell"><span style="background: white; color: #666600; text-decoration: none; text-underline: none;">Orwell</span></a><span class="apple-converted-space"><span style="background: white; color: #181818;"> </span><span style="background: white; color: #181818;">feared that the truth would be concealed
from us.</span></span><a href="http://www.goodreads.com/author/show/3487.Huxley" title="Huxley"><span style="background: white; color: #666600; text-decoration: none; text-underline: none;">Huxley</span></a><span class="apple-converted-space"><span style="background: white; color: #181818;"> </span><span style="background: white; color: #181818;">feared the truth would be drowned in a
sea of irrelevance.<span class="apple-converted-space"> </span></span></span><a href="http://www.goodreads.com/author/show/3706.Orwell" title="Orwell"><span style="background: white; color: #666600; text-decoration: none; text-underline: none;">Orwell</span></a><span class="apple-converted-space"><span style="background: white; color: #181818;"> </span><span style="background: white; color: #181818;">feared we would become a captive
culture.<span class="apple-converted-space"> </span></span></span><a href="http://www.goodreads.com/author/show/3487.Huxley" title="Huxley"><span style="background: white; color: #666600; text-decoration: none; text-underline: none;">Huxley</span></a><span class="apple-converted-space"><span style="background: white; color: #181818;"> </span><span style="background: white; color: #181818;">feared we would become a trivial
culture, preoccupied with some equivalent of the feelies, the orgy porgy, and
the centrifugal bumblepuppy. As<span class="apple-converted-space"> </span></span></span><a href="http://www.goodreads.com/author/show/3487.Huxley" title="Huxley"><span style="background: white; color: #666600; text-decoration: none; text-underline: none;">Huxley</span></a><span class="apple-converted-space"><span style="background: white; color: #181818;"> </span><span style="background: white; color: #181818;">remarked in Brave New World Revisited,
the civil libertarians and rationalists who are ever on the alert to oppose
tyranny "</span><em><span style="font-family: "Calibri","sans-serif"; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;">failed to take into account man's almost
infinite appetite for distractions</span></em>."
In 1984,<span class="apple-converted-space"> </span></span><a href="http://www.goodreads.com/author/show/3706.Orwell" title="Orwell"><span style="background: white; color: #666600; text-decoration: none; text-underline: none;">Orwell</span></a><span class="apple-converted-space"><span style="background: white; color: #181818;"> </span><span style="background: white; color: #181818;">added, people are controlled by
inflicting pain. In Brave New World, they are controlled by inflicting
pleasure. In short,<span class="apple-converted-space"> </span></span></span><a href="http://www.goodreads.com/author/show/3706.Orwell" title="Orwell"><span style="background: white; color: #666600; text-decoration: none; text-underline: none;">Orwell</span></a><span class="apple-converted-space"><span style="background: white; color: #181818;"> </span><span style="background: white; color: #181818;">feared that what we fear will ruin us.<span class="apple-converted-space"> </span></span></span><a href="http://www.goodreads.com/author/show/3487.Huxley" title="Huxley"><span style="background: white; color: #666600; text-decoration: none; text-underline: none;">Huxley</span></a><span class="apple-converted-space"><span style="background: white; color: #181818;"> </span><span style="background: white; color: #181818;">feared that what we desire will ruin us. (Postman, 1985)</span></span></blockquote>
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<span class="apple-converted-space"><span style="background: white; color: #181818;"><br /></span></span></div>
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My appetite for distraction is indeed infinite. As I write this, or anything else, I have Facebook
open. That’s not to say there is
anything wrong with Facebook, but it is not helpful in me being a better writer
or student. I refuse to bring my laptop
to class because I know I will end up tuning out the teacher to take a quiz on “Which
60’s Screen Idol Are You?”</div>
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<a href="http://onthepathofknowledge.files.wordpress.com/2014/01/wpid-storageextsdcarddcimcomparison-1.png?w=645" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://onthepathofknowledge.files.wordpress.com/2014/01/wpid-storageextsdcarddcimcomparison-1.png?w=645" height="400" width="321" /></a></div>
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In short, the internet is a source of power. It is the power to connect, to see the world,
to visualize and then realize our dreams.
When I use this power for our own edification, it can be one of the
greatest benefits to mankind in modern day.
When I become consumers to the exclusion of building, that is when it
becomes power against me instead of power for me.</div>
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Reference:</div>
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<span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0.0980392); font-family: 'Times New Roman', Times, serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 24px; text-indent: -40px;">Postman, Neil. </span><i style="box-sizing: border-box; font-family: 'Times New Roman', Times, serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 24px; text-indent: -40px;">Amusing Ourselves to Death: Public Discourse in the Age of Show Business</i><span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0.0980392); font-family: 'Times New Roman', Times, serif; font-size: 16px; line-height: 24px; text-indent: -40px;">. New York: Viking, 1985. Print.</span></div>
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Janahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17889201222597280260noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2472680987106404538.post-84313473759200251032013-06-16T21:19:00.000-07:002013-06-16T22:06:50.658-07:00The Truth About Romance<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
<span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 1.4;">Today I want to address an open letter (that means everyone can read it) to the three girls that mean more to me than my own life. Lady and ZeeZee, you are becoming young women. Blondie, you are a bit young for this, but I want you to pay attention too. You shouldn't be having boyfriends for many years yet, but you are starting to imagine what it would be like. I want to make sure you know the truth.</span><br />
<br style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 16px;" />
<span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 16px;">First I want all three of you to know- you are beautiful. I know me telling you that is like hearing it from your mom. Inside you’re rolling your eyes and thinking “whatever Jana, you have to say that because we’re family.” No, you really are beautiful. Seeing you brightens my day, and when I have trouble sleeping at night, I picture your smiles. You are the happiest, brightest part of my life. If you know you’re beautiful, your life will be much better. You don’t need someone to complete you, and you don’t need someone to make you happy. I promise you if you can’t be happy by yourself, no one else will ever make you happy.</span><br />
<br style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 16px;" />
<span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 16px;">At your age, you are getting less concerned with what I think and more concerned with what boys think. You want to know you can be loved the way you see your parents love each other, and the answer is yes you can, and you will be-in time. Now that you’re teenagers I’m starting to get scared that you won’t understand what real love is. The books, the movies, the pictures on the internet, they’re all lying to you, my little loves. If you expect life to be like the movies you see, you may be in for a lifetime of disappointment. Love is not some instantaneous, magical moment. No no dears, the truth is a million times better than the movies.</span><br />
<br style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 16px;" />
<span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 16px;">First of all, Lady, you recently told me that boys your age are weird and gross. Yes dear, they are. But you have a lot of growing up to do yourself. When the boys stop being so gross (around the time you get home from serving a mission ;) you will be a lot better prepared for a relationship. One of the first lies you’ve been told about love is that it only happens once. I used to believe that. I thought if ever anyone expressed interest in me I needed to snag him fast, because if I lost that first one I was doomed for eternity. I’m here now to say you will probably fall in love more than once. Every time will be different and valuable, but don’t think that any relationship is the last chance you have. There are more wonderful experiences ahead of you three than you can possibly imagine at this point.</span><br />
<br style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 16px;" />
<span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 16px;">I see so many pictures like this on the internet. </span><br />
<img alt="Pic 3" height="435" src="http://ic.pics.livejournal.com/vmuzic/52910087/22810/22810_600.jpg" style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 16px;" title="Pic 3" width="600" /><br />
<span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 16px;">The truth is, when you start dating, sometimes even the very best man will say things that hurt your feelings. Sometimes he’ll be a dork and say something without thinking. And if we’re being honest here, girls tend to get hurt over dumb stuff sometimes. I remember being very upset with my boyfriend’s insensitivity while he was sitting there trying to figure out what was going on. I guarantee this will happen to you. Anyone you date will think differently than you, and understanding one another will take patience and effort. Please don’t drop someone the first time they say something you don’t like.</span><br />
<br style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 16px;" />
<span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 16px;">This is another big cause of contention. </span><br />
<img alt="Pic 2" height="600" src="http://ic.pics.livejournal.com/vmuzic/52910087/23093/23093_600.jpg" style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 16px;" title="Pic 2" width="490" /><br />
<span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 16px;">Girls, he’s not a mind reader. You need to tell him what you want. If you’re crying and he asks what’s wrong and you say “nothing, I’m fine.” He is going to think you want him to pretend everything is fine. How would you like your mom or I to get mad at you for not doing things we never told you to do? It’s not fair to hold him to expectations you didn’t tell him. Girls, please, be classier than that.</span><br />
<br style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 16px;" />
<span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 16px;">This one is really important to me. </span><br />
<img alt="Pic 8" height="520" src="http://ic.pics.livejournal.com/vmuzic/52910087/23542/23542_600.jpg" style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 16px;" title="Pic 8" width="600" /><br />
<span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 16px;">Darlings, jealousy is not cute. Jealousy is not proof that he loves you, and it is not proof that you’re valuable to him. Jealousy is him thinking he owns you. If your guy has jealousy issues, run the other way as fast as your two feet can take you. If in the future you date someone with this problem, call me and I will leave work or whatever I’m doing to come get you. Stay away from jealous guys, they will never treat you as a person-only as another one of their “things.” There are some </span><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 16px;">men you really should avoid like the plague, but trust me, I'll make sure you can spot them from a mile off long before your first date.</span><br />
<br style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 16px;" />
<span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 16px;">Right now, you are starting to have visions of that perfect man. The movies you watch and the books you read tell you he should always know the right thing to say, should stick with the relationship no matter how you treat him, and make everything better. When you do find that someone, I’m telling you right now, he will be human. He will make mistakes and often he won’t know what to say. He won’t be able to make your problems go away, but being around him will make them easier to handle. The important thing is-even when he makes mistakes you will still know he cares about you. The joy of relationships is in overcoming things together. Yes, he needs to know you are a princess and you should be treated like one, but never forget that he’s a prince. Expect respect, but make sure you give it too.</span><br />
<br style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 16px;" />
<span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 16px;">I have one last thought, so stay with me for one more paragraph. All your lives you’ve been told that 16 is the magical age of dating. I want you to know that I didn’t go on a single date when I was 16. I went on my first date when I was 19, and I was 20 before anyone ever asked me out. If no boys ask you out, it is not a reflection on you. It isn’t even a reflection on them, it’s just the way life goes sometimes. I promise you all those romantic dreams you are storing up in your hearts will come true, even if you have to wait for them. This is something well worth waiting for. In the mean time, don’t worry. Become your best, happiest self and draw close to the Lord. Your teen and young single adult years should be some of the most testimony-building years of your life. Trust God and learn to love yourself-this relationship thing is something you should be able to look forward to for many years yet.</span><br />
<br style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 16px;" />
<span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 16px;">All my love,</span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 16px;">Your beloved Aunt Jana.</span></div>
Janahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17889201222597280260noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2472680987106404538.post-57280658914488117142013-05-14T18:49:00.000-07:002013-05-15T05:51:58.888-07:00Another New Song<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
<span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 16px;">Soon I'll post about new group love and rave about Only Boys Aloud, but for now I want to talk about this amazing and innovative song.</span><br />
<br style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 16px;" />
<a href="http://www.blogger.com/blogger.g?blogID=2472680987106404538" name="cutid1" style="background-color: white; color: #ca7dcf; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; font-weight: bold; line-height: 16px; text-decoration: underline;"></a><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 16px;">This song is from the musical Chess, which I have no desire to see-the main character has to pick between his wife and his girlfriend in the second half and the whole concept just doesn't work for me.</span><br />
<br style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 16px;" />
<span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 16px;">That being said, this song is about the main character, Anatoly, and his decision to defect from Russia during the Cold War. When the press got wind of it they asked why he was leaving his country and he says that his country is far more than the political strife of nations. Russia is not a place, it's a state of being, and he will </span><i style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 16px;">always be </i><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 16px;">Russian.</span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 16px;"><br /></span>
<br />
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: Arial; font-size: x-small; text-align: center;"> No man, no madness</span></div>
<span style="font-size: x-small;"></span><br />
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: Arial; text-align: center;"> Though their sad power may prevail</span></span></div>
<span style="font-size: x-small;">
<span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: Arial; text-align: center;"><div style="text-align: center;">
Can possess, conquer, my country's heart</div>
</span><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: Arial; text-align: center;"><div style="text-align: center;">
They rise to fail</div>
</span><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: Arial; text-align: center;"><div style="text-align: center;">
She is eternal</div>
</span><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: Arial; text-align: center;"><div style="text-align: center;">
Long before nations' lines were drawn</div>
</span><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: Arial; text-align: center;"><div style="text-align: center;">
When no flags flew, when no armies stood</div>
</span><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: Arial; text-align: center;"><div style="text-align: center;">
My land was born</div>
</span><div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="color: #333333; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', Verdana, sans-serif; line-height: 16px;"><br /></span></div>
<span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: Arial; text-align: center;"><div style="text-align: center;">
And you ask me why I love her</div>
</span><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: Arial; text-align: center;"><div style="text-align: center;">
Through wars, death and despair</div>
</span><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: Arial; text-align: center;"><div style="text-align: center;">
She is the constant, we who don't care</div>
</span><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: Arial; text-align: center;"><div style="text-align: center;">
And you wonder will I leave her - but how?</div>
</span><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: Arial; text-align: center;"><div style="text-align: center;">
I cross over borders but I'm still there now</div>
</span><div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="color: #333333; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', Verdana, sans-serif; line-height: 16px;"><br /></span></div>
<span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: Arial; text-align: center;"><div style="text-align: center;">
How can I leave her?</div>
</span><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: Arial; text-align: center;"><div style="text-align: center;">
Where would I start?</div>
</span><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: Arial; text-align: center;"><div style="text-align: center;">
Let man's petty nations tear themselves apart</div>
</span><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: Arial; text-align: center;"><div style="text-align: center;">
My land's only borders lie around my heart</div>
</span></span><br />
<br style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 16px;" />
<span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 16px;">Josh Groban fangirl that I am, I'm putting his version first.</span><br />
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 16px;">This next version is from the Welsh Choir Only Men Aloud. I like the Welsh language, but don't find it any more beautiful than any other translation of this song. What I do like is that these men from a historically oppressed region are singing this in their native language-that adds some power. I also love the choice to split the words among four soloists-it seems more moving to me that way.</span><br />
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 16px;">And finally (you did want all three versions, didn't you?) here is a boys chorus (ages 14-19) singing the exact same Welsh translation. While it lacks the nuance of the older performers, I think there's a special honesty to it that sets it apart.</span><br />
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 16px;">I really like the concept discussed in the song-that nationality is more than location. I know I am American. To me that means being independent, stubborn, optimistic about the future, and willing to argue my point. I'm also from the southwest, which I think means I'm more honest, less enamored of "fancy" things-houses, cars, clothes, what have you, and that I'm close to my roots-case in point the family ranch. That's not to say that every American fits this, or that every self-proclaimed cowgirl does either. I'm just saying that when I travel the world I'm going to take America with me and for me that's what it will look like.</span><a href="http://www.blogger.com/blogger.g?blogID=2472680987106404538" name="cutid1-end" style="background-color: white; color: #ca7dcf; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; font-weight: bold; line-height: 16px; text-decoration: underline;"></a><br />
<br style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 16px;" />
<span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 16px;">So, faithful readers-all two of you-what does your nationality mean to you?</span></div>
Janahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17889201222597280260noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2472680987106404538.post-60257623931592397122013-03-09T16:35:00.001-07:002013-03-09T16:35:18.293-07:00New Song Love<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
Okay the title's a misnomer because the song came out in 2001, but somehow I missed it. This is Lullaby for a Stormy Night by Vienna Tang and every time I hear it I love it a little more.<br />
<br />
I first fell in love with the soft, uncomplicated piano accompaniment and desire to play this song. Then I fell in love with the premise-lullabies are the type of music I would study for the rest of my life if I could. Then I fell in love with the message of the song. <br />
<br />
It was hard at first for me to imagine myself in the child's place because I love thunderstorms; I sit on my porch and watch them all night long given half a chance. But then I realized this isn't just about thunderstorms, it's about all life's trials, and I'd like to break it down a little.<br />
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<i><span style="background-color: white; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', Vernada, Arial; font-size: 14px; line-height: 21px;">little child, be not afraid</span><br style="background-color: white; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', Vernada, Arial; font-size: 14px; line-height: 21px;" /><span style="background-color: white; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', Vernada, Arial; font-size: 14px; line-height: 21px;">though rain pounds harshly against the glass</span><br style="background-color: white; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', Vernada, Arial; font-size: 14px; line-height: 21px;" /><span style="background-color: white; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', Vernada, Arial; font-size: 14px; line-height: 21px;">like an unwanted stranger, there is no danger</span><br style="background-color: white; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', Vernada, Arial; font-size: 14px; line-height: 21px;" /><span style="background-color: white; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', Vernada, Arial; font-size: 14px; line-height: 21px;">I am here tonight</span></i><br />
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How often are our fears unfounded? I know I frequently wake up in terror from nightmares of things that NEVER REALLY HAPPENED. Okay, sure, maybe someday my precious child will get in a car accident and die, but at that moment I am losing sleep over fear for a child safely tucked in their bed.<br style="background-color: white; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', Vernada, Arial; font-size: 14px; line-height: 21px;" /><br style="background-color: white; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', Vernada, Arial; font-size: 14px; line-height: 21px;" /><span style="background-color: white; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', Vernada, Arial; font-size: 14px; font-style: italic; line-height: 21px;">little child, be not afraid</span><br style="background-color: white; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', Vernada, Arial; font-size: 14px; line-height: 21px;" /><span style="background-color: white; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', Vernada, Arial; font-size: 14px; font-style: italic; line-height: 21px;">though thunder explodes and lightning flash</span><br style="background-color: white; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', Vernada, Arial; font-size: 14px; line-height: 21px;" /><span style="background-color: white; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', Vernada, Arial; font-size: 14px; font-style: italic; line-height: 21px;">illuminates your tear-stained face</span><br style="background-color: white; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', Vernada, Arial; font-size: 14px; line-height: 21px;" /><span style="background-color: white; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', Vernada, Arial; font-size: 14px; font-style: italic; line-height: 21px;">I am here tonight</span><br style="background-color: white; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', Vernada, Arial; font-size: 14px; line-height: 21px;" /><br />This is my favorite message of this song-that fear is okay. Whether it's founded or not, it is natural for us to be afraid and we can be helped through these challenges.<br /><br style="background-color: white; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', Vernada, Arial; font-size: 14px; line-height: 21px;" /><span style="background-color: white; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', Vernada, Arial; font-size: 14px; font-style: italic; line-height: 21px;">and someday you'll know</span><br style="background-color: white; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', Vernada, Arial; font-size: 14px; line-height: 21px;" /><span style="background-color: white; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', Vernada, Arial; font-size: 14px; font-style: italic; line-height: 21px;">that nature is so</span><br style="background-color: white; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', Vernada, Arial; font-size: 14px; line-height: 21px;" /><span style="background-color: white; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', Vernada, Arial; font-size: 14px; font-style: italic; line-height: 21px;">the same rain that draws you near me</span><br style="background-color: white; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', Vernada, Arial; font-size: 14px; line-height: 21px;" /><span style="background-color: white; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', Vernada, Arial; font-size: 14px; font-style: italic; line-height: 21px;">falls on rivers and land</span><br style="background-color: white; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', Vernada, Arial; font-size: 14px; line-height: 21px;" /><span style="background-color: white; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', Vernada, Arial; font-size: 14px; font-style: italic; line-height: 21px;">on forests and sand</span><br style="background-color: white; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', Vernada, Arial; font-size: 14px; line-height: 21px;" /><span style="background-color: white; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', Vernada, Arial; font-size: 14px; font-style: italic; line-height: 21px;">makes the beautiful world that you'll see</span><br style="background-color: white; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', Vernada, Arial; font-size: 14px; line-height: 21px;" /><span style="background-color: white; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', Vernada, Arial; font-size: 14px; font-style: italic; line-height: 21px;">in the morning</span><br />
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Trials-the storms in our lives-they are no fun, but from a desert dwelling perspectives these thunderstorms are our lifeblood. I've lived in agricultural areas and seen fear as the droughts have dragged on, I've seen increasingly more desperate measures passed to increase our water rights, I've heard of feuds being fought over use of water. These huge thunderstorms mean life to us in a life and death situation<br />
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Likewise, we pass through challenges that are not fun, but they are needful in order for us to grow. Sad fact: you're probably in for something harder down the road. If we didn't have these trials how could we hope to face what's ahead or to appreciate the beauty around us? When you think about it honestly, how much of the beauty in your life can be traced to things you had to overcome?<br style="background-color: white;" /><br style="background-color: white; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', Vernada, Arial; font-size: 14px; line-height: 21px;" /><span style="background-color: white; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', Vernada, Arial; font-size: 14px; font-style: italic; line-height: 21px;">little child, be not afraid</span><br style="background-color: white; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', Vernada, Arial; font-size: 14px; line-height: 21px;" /><span style="background-color: white; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', Vernada, Arial; font-size: 14px; font-style: italic; line-height: 21px;">though storm clouds mask your beloved </span><a class="kLink" href="http://www.absolutelyrics.com/lyrics/view/vienna_teng/lullaby_for_a_stormy_night#" id="KonaLink2" style="background-color: white; background-image: none !important; border: 0px none transparent !important; bottom: 0px; cursor: pointer; display: inline !important; font-family: inherit !important; font-size: inherit !important; font-style: italic; left: 0px; line-height: 21px; margin: 0px; outline: none; padding: 0px; position: static; right: 0px; top: 0px;"><span style="color: black; font-family: inherit !important; font-size: inherit !important; position: static;"><span class="kLink" style="background-color: transparent; background-image: none; border-bottom-style: solid; border-bottom-width: 1px; border-left-style: none !important; border-left-width: 0px !important; border-right-style: none !important; border-right-width: 0px !important; border-top-style: none !important; border-top-width: 0px !important; display: inline !important; float: none !important; font-family: inherit !important; font-size: inherit !important; padding: 0px 0px 1px !important; position: static; width: auto !important;">moon</span></span></a><br style="background-color: white; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', Vernada, Arial; font-size: 14px; line-height: 21px;" /><span style="background-color: white; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', Vernada, Arial; font-size: 14px; font-style: italic; line-height: 21px;">and its candlelight beams, still keep pleasant dreams</span><br style="background-color: white; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', Vernada, Arial; font-size: 14px; line-height: 21px;" /><span style="background-color: white; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', Vernada, Arial; font-size: 14px; font-style: italic; line-height: 21px;">I am here tonight</span><br style="background-color: white; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', Vernada, Arial; font-size: 14px; line-height: 21px;" /><br />When I was depressed I felt no love of any kind-not for anyone or from anyone. I felt no joy and no hope and I didn't know if I would ever again. The thing was, those things were always there, just couldn't see them. They hadn't even moved, they were just hidden for the moment. The moment passed and I saw everything I had wanted was mine to begin with.<br /><br style="background-color: white; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', Vernada, Arial; font-size: 14px; line-height: 21px;" /><span style="background-color: white; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', Vernada, Arial; font-size: 14px; font-style: italic; line-height: 21px;">little child, be not afraid</span><br style="background-color: white; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', Vernada, Arial; font-size: 14px; line-height: 21px;" /><span style="background-color: white; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', Vernada, Arial; font-size: 14px; font-style: italic; line-height: 21px;">though wind makes creatures of our trees</span><br style="background-color: white; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', Vernada, Arial; font-size: 14px; line-height: 21px;" /><span style="background-color: white; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', Vernada, Arial; font-size: 14px; font-style: italic; line-height: 21px;">and their branches to hands, they're not real, understand</span><br style="background-color: white; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', Vernada, Arial; font-size: 14px; line-height: 21px;" /><span style="background-color: white; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', Vernada, Arial; font-size: 14px; font-style: italic; line-height: 21px;">and I am here tonight</span><br />
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We may know in our minds that these things aren't true-monsters aren't waiting to eat us, people don't often die on the operating table, etc, but sometimes we need someone to acknowledge our fear and reassure us. It doesn't make it go away, but it makes it a little easier to deal with. Sometimes all we need is that someone to anchor us to reality and reassure us we will be okay<br style="background-color: white; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', Vernada, Arial; font-size: 14px; line-height: 21px;" /><br style="background-color: white; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', Vernada, Arial; font-size: 14px; line-height: 21px;" /><span style="background-color: white; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', Vernada, Arial; font-size: 14px; font-style: italic; line-height: 21px;">for you know, once even I was a</span><br style="background-color: white; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', Vernada, Arial; font-size: 14px; line-height: 21px;" /><span style="background-color: white; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', Vernada, Arial; font-size: 14px; font-style: italic; line-height: 21px;">little child, and I was afraid</span><br style="background-color: white; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', Vernada, Arial; font-size: 14px; line-height: 21px;" /><span style="background-color: white; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', Vernada, Arial; font-size: 14px; font-style: italic; line-height: 21px;">but a gentle someone always came</span><br style="background-color: white; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', Vernada, Arial; font-size: 14px; line-height: 21px;" /><span style="background-color: white; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', Vernada, Arial; font-size: 14px; font-style: italic; line-height: 21px;">to dry all my tears, trade sweet sleep for fears</span><br style="background-color: white; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', Vernada, Arial; font-size: 14px; line-height: 21px;" /><span style="background-color: white; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', Vernada, Arial; font-size: 14px; font-style: italic; line-height: 21px;">and to give a kiss </span><span style="background-color: white; background-image: none !important; border: 0px none transparent !important; bottom: 0px; color: black; cursor: pointer; display: inline !important; font-family: inherit !important; font-size: inherit !important; font-style: italic; left: 0px; line-height: 21px; margin: 0px; outline: none; padding: 0px; position: static; right: 0px; top: 0px;"><span class="kLink" style="background-color: transparent; background-image: none; border-bottom-style: solid; border-bottom-width: 1px; border-left-style: none !important; border-left-width: 0px !important; border-right-style: none !important; border-right-width: 0px !important; border-top-style: none !important; border-top-width: 0px !important; display: inline !important; float: none !important; font-family: inherit !important; font-size: inherit !important; padding: 0px 0px 1px !important; position: static; width: auto !important;">goodnight</span></span><br />
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It's a comforting thought that the parents who rocked me to sleep when I was sick once needed to be rocked. My niece's tears when she didn't perform as she hoped really tugged at my heart because I remember shedding the same tears at her age (and now on occasion.) Sometimes we all need comfort and strength from loved ones, and sometimes we can give it. Life is wonderful that way.<br style="background-color: white; line-height: 21px;" /><br style="background-color: white; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', Vernada, Arial; font-size: 14px; line-height: 21px;" /><span style="background-color: white; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', Vernada, Arial; font-size: 14px; font-style: italic; line-height: 21px;">well now I am grown</span><br style="background-color: white; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', Vernada, Arial; font-size: 14px; line-height: 21px;" /><span style="background-color: white; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', Vernada, Arial; font-size: 14px; font-style: italic; line-height: 21px;">and these years have shown</span><br style="background-color: white; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', Vernada, Arial; font-size: 14px; line-height: 21px;" /><span style="background-color: white; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', Vernada, Arial; font-size: 14px; font-style: italic; line-height: 21px;">that rain's a part of how life goes</span><br style="background-color: white; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', Vernada, Arial; font-size: 14px; line-height: 21px;" /><span style="background-color: white; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', Vernada, Arial; font-size: 14px; font-style: italic; line-height: 21px;">but it's dark and it's late</span><br style="background-color: white; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', Vernada, Arial; font-size: 14px; line-height: 21px;" /><span style="background-color: white; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', Vernada, Arial; font-size: 14px; font-style: italic; line-height: 21px;">so I'll hold you and wait</span><br style="background-color: white; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', Vernada, Arial; font-size: 14px; line-height: 21px;" /><span style="background-color: white; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', Vernada, Arial; font-size: 14px; font-style: italic; line-height: 21px;">'til your frightened eyes do close</span><br />
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It's wonderful that the things I worried about as a child don't scare me anymore. I used to be so scared I would someday lose my mobility. Now I know if that ever does happen I can handle it. I still don't like the thought, but I've had experience enough to know that I'll be okay. Likewise I fought tooth and nail to keep my first boyfriend from breaking up with me because I had no idea how to put myself back together afterwards. Now I know that breakups are hard, but I can gain as much from them as the relationship. <br />
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I tell my little ones that they will be fine, but when they are still afraid I try to just hold them. Life must be lived and now they are gaining strength and experience. I've learned the wisdom in just holding them and waiting.<br style="background-color: white; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', Vernada, Arial; font-size: 14px; line-height: 21px;" /><br style="background-color: white; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', Vernada, Arial; font-size: 14px; line-height: 21px;" /><span style="background-color: white; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', Vernada, Arial; font-size: 14px; font-style: italic; line-height: 21px;">and I hope that you'll know...</span><br style="background-color: white; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', Vernada, Arial; font-size: 14px; line-height: 21px;" /><br style="background-color: white; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', Vernada, Arial; font-size: 14px; line-height: 21px;" /><span style="background-color: white; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', Vernada, Arial; font-size: 14px; font-style: italic; line-height: 21px;">everything's fine in the morning</span><br style="background-color: white; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', Vernada, Arial; font-size: 14px; line-height: 21px;" /><span style="background-color: white; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', Vernada, Arial; font-size: 14px; font-style: italic; line-height: 21px;">the rain'll be gone in the morning</span><br style="background-color: white; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', Vernada, Arial; font-size: 14px; line-height: 21px;" /><span style="background-color: white; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', Vernada, Arial; font-size: 14px; font-style: italic; line-height: 21px;">but I'll still be here in the morning</span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', Vernada, Arial; font-size: 14px; font-style: italic; line-height: 21px;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, Vernada, Arial;"><span style="font-size: 14px; line-height: 21px;">Now I have conquered the trials I faced so long ago. I changed my career path, got out of the wheelchair, beat depression, and learned to love again. The storm has passed (at least in those matters) but so many wonderful friends who lifted and supported me are still with me sharing in the joy and success. When the storm is passed the world is truly a more beautiful place.</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, Vernada, Arial;"><span style="font-size: 14px; line-height: 21px;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, Vernada, Arial;"><span style="font-size: 14px; line-height: 21px;">A final thought-think of yourself as the child and God as the parent-I like that interpretation best.</span></span></div>
Janahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17889201222597280260noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2472680987106404538.post-42492181368168630952013-03-09T15:28:00.001-07:002013-03-09T15:28:13.836-07:00My Temple Experience<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
This week I had the remarkable opportunity to go through the temple of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints for the first time, and I would like to share about it.<br />
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I will talk about the temple, but skip the play by play because it wouldn't do any good. If I tried to describe it step by step I would use a lot of words and make it sound a lot more complicated than it is. The truth is that everything that happens in the temple is simple and beautiful. The subject material discussed is well covered <a href="http://www.lds.org/topics/plan-of-salvation?lang=eng" target="_blank">here</a> and (for those of you more familiar with our doctrine) <a href="http://www.lds.org/scriptures/bofm/2-ne/9?lang=eng" target="_blank">here</a>.<br />
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I think one of the biggest things that helped me prepare (besides Temple Prep class and studying this talk) was that I got to spend the day before serving others. It was one of those kinds of service that didn't cost me anything and wasn't much if any inconvenience, but I knew I was recieving blessings by focusing on someone other than myself. (kinda, I got really helped out too, but it's because I was with someone else.)<br />
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I chose the Gila Valley Temple because it is so near and dear to my heart. The temple ordinances are the same wherever you go, but for me I wanted it to be that one. It was beautiful and I loved every minute of it.<br />
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Every person is asked to bring an escort that first time through. This is so you have someone to help you know what's going on at any given moment, someone to take care of you. When I arrived my mother and I were asked to meet with the Temple President and Matron to make sure I understood what was happening here. The words President Layton said to me will stick with me the rest of my life-"Sister Jana Christensen, today you have entered the Lord's house as the guest of honor." That was how I felt the whole day.<br />
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The biggest surprise to me is that I expected something overwhelming and emotional, but it wasn't that at all. It was so simple and peaceful the whole time, and I loved it. Don't get me wrong, there's a lifetime of learning and growing to be had there, but it's a very quiet time. Of what was taught, I think my strongest impression was how much God loves each and every one of us. Adam and Eve were so dear to the Father that he put the Atonement in place for them and each and every one of their posterity. I am more committed than ever to sharing His love with all I meet, because that's what He's trying to do.<br />
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My whole life my worst fear is that if people really knew me, they would not like me. When I was in the temple I knew with my whole soul that I am loved for who I am. I am absolutely unique with a purpose and meaning to my life. I have work to do and I will find myself capable of doing it. I am excited to go back for the rest of my life and learn more, little by little, about how remarkable Gods children truly are.<br />
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For anyone reading this in anticipation of going, I have this piece of advice-don't worry. It's really calm and you are always surrounded by people lovingly guiding you. There's nothing to worry about. One or two things were a little different than what I was used to, but this morning I realized that they were good educational practice, the kind I was taught in college and were not really any different at all, I just needed to get used to them in a different setting.<br />
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Janahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17889201222597280260noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2472680987106404538.post-72217665999078874112013-02-13T16:14:00.000-07:002013-02-13T16:14:47.032-07:00Valentines Day Done Right (for me)<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
<span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: 'Lucida Grande', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;">The great day of romance has come again! Where will single little me be on the fateful night? I will be spending it with a group of 8-11 year old girls.</span><br style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: 'Lucida Grande', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;" /><br style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: 'Lucida Grande', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: 'Lucida Grande', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;">No honey for me, no fancy dinner, no wine (there wouldn't be anyway), none of that jazz. I'm here to tell you that's just how I like it. Even when I did have a significant other on Valentines, I've never been into fancy; I don't really like dressing up and I hate pressure. It seems to me that romantic dates have plenty of both. You want to look right, act right, sound right. I've seen couples who have been together for years freak out about making V-day special. It seems like some people judge the quantity/quality of love in a relationship based on the tokens of a single day.</span><br style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: 'Lucida Grande', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;" /><br style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: 'Lucida Grande', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: 'Lucida Grande', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;">Kids don't do that. Kids eat candy and give everyone a nice note and just generally walk around being happy. They know that love should not be reserved for one person (relationships yes, caring no) and so they just share love with all the people around them. They make cute crafts and cookies, and they party. To me it sounds so much better to just go and have a good time rather than turning a holiday into an exam. I encourage all of you (and myself) to be more like my girls. Show some people you love them, smile, brighten other people's day, and keep some of the candy for yourself.</span><br style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: 'Lucida Grande', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;" /><br style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: 'Lucida Grande', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: 'Lucida Grande', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;">Love,</span><br style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: 'Lucida Grande', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: 'Lucida Grande', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; line-height: 18px;">Jana</span></div>
Janahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17889201222597280260noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2472680987106404538.post-29023656795254989212012-11-07T09:14:00.000-07:002012-11-07T09:14:47.261-07:00Thankful for my Disability<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
I had a stroke before I was born. Most of you who know me know I can't use my right side very well. That's the way it's always been. What you may not know is that I am so grateful Heavenly Father allowed me to have this body. Some important things would be different in my life if I didn't have it. Take a look:<br />
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1) Music</h3>
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Without my disability I would be a prodigy. I love music with my whole soul, and if my bow arm actually worked I'd be amazing. I didn't practice 3 hours a day because someone made me. I practiced 3 hours a day because I couldn't imagine doing anything else. I never got exceptionally good because of my disability though. Wait, isn't this a thankful post? Yes. Yes it is.</div>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">No, I don't have to be on stage. I have all the time in the world for this</td></tr>
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If I had been good enough, I would have left everyone and everything behind to do music. I love it with my whole soul, and I would have given up any religious commitments to get better. I would have given up time with my family and friends, I would have done nothing but music. Except that my disability prevented me. My high school years were filled with friends, family and faith. Now, my music has so much more depth to it because I have more depth. I'm so glad my disability kept me from turning this beautiful gift into a curse.</div>
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2) Slowness</h3>
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I can't run with my disability. I will trip every single time. Instead I have to walk wherever I go, and when I do that, I see things. I see the people around me. I see the sunset. I see the street signs. The world around me is so amazing, and when you walk, you can see it. I get to be part of my surroundings. How's that for a blessing?</div>
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When you have a while before the destination, the journey can become more fun. Being slower often results in meeting new friends. Being slower means being able to support others. Being slower means I have more time to love where I am.</div>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Yes, I love you. Leave me alone</td></tr>
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3) Choices</h3>
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Most people have a gazillion options of what to do with there life. I have a couple less. I wanted to teach in Asia, but my disability prevents me. I wanted to live in a really cute apartment with a cool set of girls, but the stairs wouldn't work for me. I would love to be in musical theater, but my body just can't take the strain. And I'm grateful for this.</div>
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The saddest thing to me is those who give their lives to things that don't matter. They know what's really important, but they get caught up in the details and loose sight of what they want. Unlike them, I can't add much fluff in my life. Every choice I make about my time and energy is significant. I don't have any to spare. Because of my disability, the only things in my life are the ones that matter to me.</div>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">He is still that cute</td></tr>
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Conclusion</h3>
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I wouldn't wish this challenge on everyone. In fact, I'm not sure I'd wish it on anyone. But I am grateful I have it. So many of life's greatest blessings are the ones we never would have asked for on our own. </div>
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Janahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17889201222597280260noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2472680987106404538.post-43319146660042064942012-08-12T17:27:00.002-07:002012-08-12T17:30:41.094-07:00First Week of Work!<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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On Monday I interviewed for the job in aftercare at La Paloma I nailed it it at the interview and was offered a job on the spot as an aftercare worker and as a kinder teacher. Unfortunately kindergarten teachers have to be on the floor with the kids a lot, and any teacher should know to get down on the kids level when talking with them. When I teach 5 year olds, that's just too hard. I had to turn it down which made me sad, but I like knowing I was wanted.</div>
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I'm not as sure I am now. My first day was not good. I thought I had planned well, but there were so many things I hadn't counted on. And to be fair, these kids are tough! Tough kids are my favorite, even now, but I realized for the first time I've never been a lead teacher before. I've been taught how to set up the class, but last year I watched Michele do it. I didn't do it. Now I see myself making many first year teacher mistakes I was told not to make. I just keep telling myself it's okay not to be perfect. I was foolish to think I wouldn't struggle like this. I'm learning. I just keep telling myself I'm learning. That's okay. Wednesday was a disaster. I didn't get the schedule and my plans turned out to be insufficient to entertain the kids for 6 hours (gotta love the half day). I had them make paper airplanes but it got out of hand. That was my bad. I felt like I spent all day yelling at the kids. I ended up needing to apologize a lot. I'm just me, I have nothing else to give these kids. I have to trust that Heavenly Father can make me enough. In teacher school we were told that any teacher worth anything at all goes home each day and thinks "what will I do better tomorrow?" Well right now I have a long list, but I'm working on it. </div>
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Thursday I had so many kids in my classroom. I finally ended up with an aide for just the one day, and that was amazing. She had good management and showed me a trick. When you want the kids to stay quiet, dim the lights and leave them dimmed as long as the quiet is supposed to last. It worked miracles. In the end, Thursday turned out good. Friday I was going to get there early to make copies of worksheets. I can't expect the kids to be quiet for an hour if I give them nothing to do. Technically they are supposed to be doing homework, but they don't have enough to last the hour. Most of the kids do it in class anyway. Well I got there a half hour early by my calculation, and it turned out that I was 15 minutes late for a staff meeting I didn't know about. So I showed up late to the meeting and I didn't make any copies. When quiet hour came I had to talk them through about 50 minutes of it. That was hard, but together we managed.</div>
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The teacher whose room I use asked me on Friday to be more careful about not letting the kids get into desks and materials. She also said that she was really happy the kids had me. She said most of the aftercare teachers just stood there and barked at the kids for all those hours, but I have management systems and I focus on positives and use values education. That made me feel good. Maybe I'm not doing as awful as I feel I am. </div>
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What made me so sure I was doing better on Thursday and Friday was that I had so many positive things to say to the kids. Even when they misbehaved, they knew they needed a consequence and accepted it without complaint. They all have this amazing light in their eyes. They all have these smiles that I think could melt stone. I have about 33 kids and each and every one of them is different. They have different needs and different coping strategies. It is so exciting to see into each heart. I'm still humbled that these children let me in. When I see them light up, I know I'm one of the luckiest people on earth.</div>
</div>Janahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17889201222597280260noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2472680987106404538.post-54462274688205432012-06-27T19:26:00.000-07:002012-06-27T22:18:03.126-07:00Jobs-where to start?<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
Today I met with an employment specialist-Jenna Geerson at WEDCO (she's amazingly cool if anyone needs an employment specialist. Seriously, if you need one look her up) and we got a resume ready for me to apply for jobs. But, what do I want? There are so many different things I <i>could</i> do.<br />
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For some reason I'm really in love with the idea of working in a museum. I love the idea of being a docent. I could spend my days bringing exhibits to life for people. I love history, I love the world we live in. That would be the life. How many of you have listened to me summarize a book or movie that I've loved? (<i>If you haven't we may not know each other very well.</i>) The one problem with this idea is that docents are volunteers. To get paid work in a museum I'd need a library science degree or a museology degree. I don't have the money to go back to school, so this one is looking less likely. However I do have plans to start volunteering at two different museums, so who knows?<br />
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Teacher Aide? I'm not really in love with this one. I want to do it all or nothing, but that's kinda immature. I feel like I've been working under other teachers for so long now, but I think if I did it I would fall in love with my students all over again and learn to love the job. I never got the chance to intern in middle school. People usually love or hate teaching middle school. As a teacher, the kids with attitude, the kind that talk back, fill my little heart with joy. I just want to try it, to see if I fit. Plus if I do it for two years I can get my teacher certification, and maybe still fulfill my dreams of teaching abroad. Or teach abroad now? I'm divided on that one.<br />
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I've also thought about being a librarian. Spending all day every day matching people to the right books? Wow, that's a meaningful life. To be surrounded by the written word, the stories that shape (and have shaped) individuals and societies. And then to make them accessible to others? Just, wow. But there's still the matter of that pesky library science degree. You know, the one I don't have? Maybe some day.<br />
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I've thought often recently about being a genealogist. I've done work on my own family lines for a while now and I love it. This is fueled by my strong belief in life after death. (for more on my beliefs, go <a href="http://mormon.org/faq/#Eternal+Life|question=/faq/life-after-death/" target="_blank">here.</a> To see why I got into genealogy, go <a href="http://mormon.org/faq/#Temples|question=/faq/baptism-for-the-dead/" target="_blank">here</a>) It is a great tragedy to me that people die many times over. Leaving this life physically can be a happy thing. The tenderest feelings of my heart surround the memory of those I knew who went on before me. But the sad fact is that we go on too. I will fill the lives of my children with the memories I have of my grandparents. I will share them and try to give my children the strength I gained from these remarkable people (stick with me, this will tie into genealogy, I promise) But, and this will make some of my blog readers sad, I won't pass on much about my Grandpa Christensen simply because I never knew him. I don't have any memories to share. He has died in memory as well as in body once the family line gets to me. As a genealogist I can bring the records of a passed life to light. I can share what bare records show about the choices they made, where they went, what they did, who they did it with. I can make their lives meaningful once again. I can thank them for the person I am and I can share them with others. As much as I love the rising generation of children, I also love those who came before me. Dedicating my life to them is something I could be proud of.<br />
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What about teaching music? This is still my dream job. To me music is so beautiful, so simple, so complex, so elemental, so sophisticated. Yes, it can be all those things at once. It is what I'm made of and I love the job of unlocking the beauty within others. (Just reread that last sentence. It needs no expounding.) I'm more than qualified for this one. Problem is that there aren't very many of them. Where do I get a job doing this? That's the million dollar question (<i>and if I could make a million doing it I'd know I'd died and gone to Heaven</i>)<br />
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I like the fact that I'm passionate about all these ideas. I know with my whole heart that happiness comes from within. No matter what job I get, I will fall in love with it. I choose to be happy. I'm also sure that Father in Heaven has a plan for me. Somewhere He is guiding me to what's best for me. I'm just trying to figure out what that is. Any thoughts from friends/family? Input is always appreciated and considered. Now...DISCUSS!</div>Janahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17889201222597280260noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2472680987106404538.post-26696586727012217302012-06-24T17:34:00.002-07:002012-06-24T17:34:32.982-07:00Roommates for Life!<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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You know how it is when you live with someone, then you don't, then you hang out again and it's super awkward? Not me! This week I went back to Phoenix to spend time with former roommie (and current best friend) <a href="http://spark-a-smile.blogspot.com/">Katie Sparks Devey</a>. <i>Have you checked out her blog yet? Wait 'til you finish this first or you'll never click back here. </i>When I got home my parents asked me what we did. We talked. I was there for around 26 hours and we only spend about 10 of those hours <b>not</b> visiting. You'd think that hanging out with someone for 16 hours would get old, but not when you're with Katie!</div>
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What did we talk about? Well right when I got there she...okay, I'm gonna censor that one. Then when Tim got home we had a long conversation about...yeah, I'll keep that one to myself. Okay, in between all the roommate stuff -we talked about, I don't know- life, hopes, dreams, memories, and funny things we'd heard. We laughed ourselves silly, then we talked serious, then we started laughing again. I'll be a little honest and say that my life has felt like a marathon lately. Some rough things happened and now we are dealing with them. It was so wonderful to leave all the issues to be with Katie. I told her what was going on, and she listened. She's really good at that. I can share anything with her and she will offer love and empathy and insight. Victor Hugo, author of <i>Les Miserables</i> and <i>The Hunchback of Notre Dame</i> is quoted as writing </div>
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"<span style="color: #333333; font-family: verdana, arial, helvetica; font-size: x-small; text-align: -webkit-auto;">The supreme happiness in life is the conviction that we are loved -- loved for ourselves, or rather, loved in spite of ourselves." </span></div>
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<br class="Apple-interchange-newline" />Katie, to me, is the supreme example of this. Few people are as familiar with my darker side and my flaws as her. Few people have heard all my jokes as often as her. Few people have more reason to be annoyed with me or be as heartily sick of me as her. Yet she still likes having me around. And as for me, I never get sick of her intellectually stimulating conversation (your mom!) Katie has a warmth and a love of people that makes others want to be around her. She's crazy smart, but doesn't give the "I'm so intelligent" vibe. She gives the "I'm so happy to be here, tell me about yourself because I find what you have to say fascinating" vibe that every person loves.</div>
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I would be remiss if I didn't put in a word about Katie's husband Tim-this guy!</div>
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Life would have been awkward if Katie married someone I didn't really like. The truth is, there are few people I like more than Tim Devey. My biggest problem with him is that when he starts goofing off, it's over for me. There's no way I can stop laughing, let alone get in a smart remark of my own. He's funny when there are funny things going on or when someone presents an idea as funny, but knows when to stop. I love that Tim always helps me find humor and joy in life without ever making me feel laughed at or like I'm being silly (except when we're both being silly. Then it's just truth.) At this point he knows me almost as well as Katie. They are both just loving, kind people with open hearts and open arms. And they love each other so much it makes me wish I was as happily married as them.</div>
</div>Janahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17889201222597280260noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2472680987106404538.post-36185701433541564402012-05-08T20:49:00.001-07:002012-05-08T20:49:42.837-07:00Music to my ears...not yours ;)<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
Guess what...I'M PRACTICING AGAIN!!!!! Yes, I'm screaming about practicing, but it's with joy this time. I love practicing. It's some of the most constructive work I've ever done in my life. That being said, I'd like to talk about real practice and what it sounds like-and how much it takes.<br />
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<br />
HOW MUCH:<br />
I play the violin/viola (okay, mostly the viola) and I practice a lot. Lately I've been doing 2-3 hours a day. Normally during the summer I'd insist on a minimum of <span style="color: red;">4</span>, but I'm not in shape yet. And I never do it all at once. Right now I'm up to an hour at a time if I want to ice my arm afterwards, or a half hour if I'm going light on it. This means that I'm practicing 2-6 times a day!! (my poor family.)<br />
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HOW:<br />
Here's the kicker. Most people think when I say I need to practice, that I need to make beautiful music for a few hours. Nope, that's not what it means. Imagine high, screechy, out of tune scales. Then imagine someone playing the worst of them for an hour non-stop. The point of practice is to take the parts that sound bad and do them over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over (you still reading?) correcting a little each time until they sound good. And once it sounds good, what do I do? Find the next icky sounding spot and start all over again. <br />
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Lets say I'm almost finished with a piece so it sounds pretty good. Let the music begin, right? Wrong. Then I will choose a single phrase (usually about 4 bars) and play it non-stop until ever note rings the way I want it to. So I could literally play the same passage over 50 times in a single practice session. <br />
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Okay, okay, it's not all like this. I do practice putting the piece together and getting all the louds and softs (dynamics). I try to see the big picture and work on that too. I don't put emotion into my music every single time I play. It's exhausting and if the technique isn't there the emotion can interfere. However, there are some practices where I just work on the emotion of the piece, the message if you will. But if you were in the habit of listening to me practice, you would see the working kind of practice is far more common. I practice my scales <i>every single day</i> and I spend time on technique every single day.<br />
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When I've told roommates that I need to practice, they say they love listening to the violin/viola and they would be happy to have me practice. Poor souls had no idea what they were in for. My mom shuts the door and doesn't listen. And that's fine. Performance is supposed to sound good. Practice is supposed to sound bad. Good. Bad. See the difference? If you want the good, go to the performance. If someone says they want to practice, don't expect the good. We clear? <br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">That's not me, but let's pretend, okay?</td></tr>
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<br />
Now, while I'm here do you mind if I practice for about an hour?</div>Janahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17889201222597280260noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2472680987106404538.post-49401900520761945812012-05-07T07:15:00.002-07:002012-05-07T07:15:23.085-07:00Graduation Day<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
So the big day finally came. I'm graduated! I'll confess, the night before, I stayed up late dreading it. Graduations don't generally float my boat too much (hey, you try playing Pomp and Circumstance every single year for 10 years!) but they don't usually fill me with dread either. I was angry that I was getting the wrong degree. I still feel strongly that I earned my elementary education degree, not the educational studies one I got. I was dreading seeing my cohort because I just didn't fit in with them anymore. I was dismissed from the program, I was not celebrating my teaching certificate the way they were. I was afraid it was just going to hurt too much to be surrounded by everyone else.<br />
<br />
That morning I got up and got ready. I got two graduation gifts. 1) the title to my car. In all honesty I wasn't that excited at the revelation that <i>I </i>now have to pay the car insurance, but I was happy at the symbol of me being an adult. The other was a gorgeous necklace that I'm excited to have (even if I can't put it on ;) Next, Mom, Dad, Trevor, and I got in the car and drove up to Phoenix. We were all tired, so we kept to ourselves and just enjoyed the view. We finally got out of the car and went to lunch at Oregano's<br />
<br />
So whose bright idea was it to have food slathered in red sauce right before going to a formal-ish event? Seriously, did that person know I can't eat food without getting some on me? Jeez. <i>Wait, I got to pick the restaurant.</i> Okay, it wasn't my smartest idea, but I love Oregano's. I love that they have good food and such a laid back atmosphere. When I picked it, I forgot that no one else in my family likes jazz. Oops. They bravely put up with it for me and enjoyed the black and white tv show being shown in the corner. I did drip some spaghetti sauce on my dress, but graduation robes were made to cover that, right?<br />
<br />
When I got there I took some pictures with my family, then we parted ways. I went down to get my registration card and saw my cohort. They were taking group picture. Tears pricked my eyes, but I asked if I could join in. They all said "of course" a little like it was an obvious question. Every last one of them was happy to see me and many came and specifically asked me how I was doing or express their support. I felt a little silly for thinking I didn't fit in with them any more. We've been through Hell (ummm....I mean iTeach) together. We've laughed and cried over pretty much the same things. I feel incredibly blessed to be part of this group.<br />
<br />
I'd just like to take a quick paragraph to thank the people in my cohort for being amazing people and true friends. A special shoutout to each of you: Kazmere, Stephen, Kristina, Liz, Elizabeth, Mellissa, Huy, Derrick, Janette, Liliana, Yesi, Becky, Leah, Cami, Hayley B, Hayley L, Anthony, Kayla, Nada, Ashley, Dulce, Caitlyn, Hannah, Evelyn,<br />
<br />
There was just one part of this I never factored in: stairs. I feel whoever invented stairs should climb and descend them for the rest of eternity. I can go up them semi-okay, but going down is scary. I still never quite know when my right knee is going to collapse, so I try to avoid them. The solution: conga line! Okay, maybe it was just me and one other person, but it worked. Going down the stadium stairs I took Hayley's shoulder and we made it down. Actually, I tripped on the last step (yep, I called that one) but because I had ahold of someone I stayed upright. Thanks Hayley! We went up a ramp to get our degrees, but we had to go down the stairs after to get off the stage. We had to do it in front of everyone too! Thank goodness for handrails, that's all I have to say. When I got to the bottom my teacher Lessita told me good job. I was so grateful for the recognition and the encouragement.<br />
<br />
We sat together and took in the solemnity of the occasion, enthusiastically (but politely) giving our love and support to each person as they came across the stage. Who believes me? Really we talked and laughed quietly among ourselves the whole time. Hey, I don't expect the grad students to be paying attention when I get my degree. There were 1,100 people graduating. Yes, that many. Kinda boring, but who goes to graduation for the entertainment?<br />
<br />
Afterwards I went out with everyone and got a hug from my teacher Ashleigh. She told me "you are going to do amazing things!" Man, I am grateful for all the mentors in my life who have given me the confidence to try. I'd be lost without them.<br />
<br />
So how do you improve on a day like that? What kind of celebration can make it all that much better? I'll tell you...SLEEP! Yes, there was sleeping on the way home. I was content with that and happy to call it a day!<br />
<br />
Seriously though, it's been a long, hard six years to get this degree. To say I went through hell is almost too literal for my taste. I don't quite know yet where I'm going from here, but I think it's gonna be pretty good. I'm off to have some more fun, meet some new people, and laugh along the way!<br />
<br />
ps pictures will be added as soon as I can get the camera</div>Janahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17889201222597280260noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2472680987106404538.post-62855384149129785562012-05-03T22:11:00.000-07:002012-05-03T22:11:43.505-07:00Making a Case for Fantasy<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
Hi there! Confession....(remember this is a secret, so don't tell anyone!) What's that you say? This is a public blog? Oh, so I guess the secret's out...wait for it....you still there?...I'm a NERD!!! There, I said it. Boy do I feel better now. Well now that I've got that off my chest, there are some more things I'd like to say. I'm sick of people dissing on science fiction/fantasy nerds. <br />
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Certain people (coughcouch*sara*coughcough) have bugged me my whole life about my deep abiding love of Star Trek: The Next Generation. I say what's not to love? One of my favorite quotes of all time comes from the last season of Star Trek: TNG. Speaking of hatred Picard says to a colleague, "at first it is hard and rough, uncomfortable to us. Soon it becomes warn and soft like old leather. Before we know it, we reach a point where we can't imagine being without it." Can you handle that amount of sci-fi technical nonsense? Wait, there was nothing about science fiction in that quote. If we put it back in context, you will see that it's about an interspecies conflict, but the episode was about two separate groups that had made war for so long, they did not know how to live together in peace. Do any nations come to mind? How about people?<br />
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Another favorite episode features an unpopular engineer. He is unpopular because he spends all his time playing virtual reality games. Facebook anyone? Or how about a holographic version of Second Life? While the episode delves a little into what causes someone to withdraw into a make-believe world, it also shows how true friends can help. It reminded me of this talk by a religious leader about what's real. The difference between loosing oneself in cyberspace and using the internet as a tool. Have you ever been lost in a fantasy world? Honestly, I personally know some amateur authors that have chosen fictional relationships in place of true ones.<br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Confession: This is not my family, just a picture from the same time period</td></tr>
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My favorite Star Trek episode is near the end of the series where Picard gets to live out an entire lifetime among an alien race. In the end he finds it was all a technologically induced dream, but because of the technology, he remembers a race of people that is now extinct. He gets to be the carrier of their memory. Sometimes I feel similar as I do my family history. Johanne and Anders Kristensen lost 3 of their children in infancy. When was the last time someone cared about their legacy? Who remembers my great great grandparents, and all they suffered to bring my family to the United States? History is about celebrating the value of each person as much as it is about learning the events. And all this from a sci-fi show? Yes.<br />
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Now on to fantasy. I personally slightly prefer it over science fiction-especially the young adult variety. For the sake of argument let's go with Lord of the Rings. It's not my favorite, but it's worth exploring. I love it because of all the relationships. The hero that Samwise becomes through service, it's incredible to me. I hope I can be as strong and as kind as Sam one day. What would it be like to give that selfless service in the cause of something so worthwhile?<br />
<br />
<a href="http://www.theargonath.cc/characters/faramir/pictures/faramir16.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="http://www.theargonath.cc/characters/faramir/pictures/faramir16.jpg" width="284" /></a>I have to say I'm a little jealous of Eowyn, because I want to marry Faramir. I love someone who can stand for the right in times of peace or war, and yet still see both sides. More than marrying Faramir, I want to be Faramir. I want to see evil for what it truly is and stand against it with everything I have. But what makes Faramir so great is that he never once becomes cruel from being in the right. Even the hero of the story, Aragorn, gets carried away from time to time, but Faramir never looses sight of the human equation. In the world there is so much evil. The family is being attacked right and left. Everything that is good and sacred is being made a mockery of in "enlightened" circles. Like Faramir I want to see evil for what it is and stay as far away as I can. But like Faramir, I want to look at those attacking all I hold dear and see them with compassion, even love. I want to fight against evil to save the opposing side as well as my own. Faramir found even the life of Gollum, a decrepit traitor to be of value. Can I do even half as much?<br />
<br />
<a href="http://www.collectorsquest.com/uploads/blog/2011/01/lotr.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="http://www.collectorsquest.com/uploads/blog/2011/01/lotr.jpg" width="320" /></a>Intellectually I think the key to understanding The Lord of the Rings is understanding that the Ring is power. Is power a bad thing? No. Is wanting power for it's own sake a bad thing? Yes!!! When someone desires power, it will corrupt. When someone desires the means to help others, they can be on shaky ground. Frodo did not want the power, and for that reason he was able to hold it. Gandalf craved power. Gandalf was wise and good, so he knew better than to allow himself to be tempted by the ring. Aragorn was held captive by his fear of power. There came a point when the people needed Aragorn bad enough that he overcame his fears and embraced power to help his people, against the ring. To see the heart of each person and the journey they take because of the siren call of absolute power is the whole point of the story. I doubt I will ever have absolute power, but I insisted on absolute obedience from my students. I caught myself demanding they hold still at times just because I wanted to feel my own authority. I stopped that right away, but my point is that I think power tempts everyone in some way or other, and if we aren't aware of it, power can corrupt us as easily as is did the mighty and noble Boromir in LOTR.<br />
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Now that I've shown you the light, I'm sure you're all anxious to give the sci-fi/fantasy genre another look. Maybe one or two of you are still thinking <i>wait, I remember watching some really dumb Star Trek</i>. Well, yes. Some of it is dumb. It's called escapist reading (watching). I'm not saying that every story that takes place in a slightly unrecognizable setting is something with deep insight into human nature. I'm asking that people who love science fiction and/or fantasy be seen as normal people who like the same things other people do, for the most part. The fantasy elements are fun and captivating to me, but really they are window dressing to what's really important: the human story.</div>Janahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17889201222597280260noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2472680987106404538.post-66041621308401516732012-04-14T22:01:00.000-07:002012-04-17T19:59:58.849-07:00The 411<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
Hello everyone. Some big changes have happened in my life lately- I want everyone to have the same story, rather than relying on the rumor mill, so here it is.<br />
<br />
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
I’m no longer in teacher school. I was told that leaving was my only option
and accepted it without question. The
next day when I was thinking a little clearer I tried to take it back, but it
wasn’t going to happen. I’m graduating
with a degree in Selected Studies in Education.
It’s still an elementary education degree, but with no teaching
certificate. I’m sure it’s possible to
assign blame here. I personally feel
very unjustly treated. However, there
are 2 sides to the story. Christ said
“with what judgment ye judge, you shall be judged.” If this is true, I certainly of all people
must judge mercifully. I choose to see
that everyone involved was doing what they thought was right, and that the Lord
has a hand in guiding such things.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
You know, it feels like my life has been turned upside
down. I don’t know what I’m doing
anymore. I’ve always been a to-do list
kinda girl and now the carefully laid plans I had are gone. It’s an insecure feeling, but at the same
time, it’s liberating too. I have been
so focused on my goal that I haven’t considered anything but teaching for a
long time. As usual, I was very sure
what I wanted and would not be distracted from it. Now, what if I want to be a genealogical
research assistant? Or how about working
in a museum? And I was blown away by the
next thought….</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
What about a music teacher?
I decided to be a music teacher when I was about 13. After the whole mess with my arm I gave up on
the idea. I figured it just wasn’t meant
to be. I had a surgery on my arm, and it
didn’t heal for over a year. It did heal,
but not in time for me to get into music school. Now I’m getting myself together to start
teaching private lessons. I can do
violin, viola, cello, and piano.
I may not be as good as I once was, but I’m still pretty dang good. I still love it more than anything. Only my dad and my psychologist knew this,
but recently as I was teaching I was feeling the disconnect from music more and
more. It was starting to weigh me down.
I was so busy with school I didn’t have time for music, and my personality,
my spirit, withers without it.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
As I rekindle that flame in my life, I’ve not been surprised
to find that I’m rusty. I never
recovered my technique after my last surgery because I was switched to
education before I had a chance to get my feet wet again. My bow and my fingers do not respond to my
thoughts like they used to. The only way
to fix this is plenty of practice. I’m
up to 25 minutes at a time, 4-5 times a day.
The callouses on the fingertips of my left hand are starting to come
back and it feels so good to have them there.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I’m applying to music teacher jobs at charter schools. I feel really good about one, but we’ll have
to wait and see. The one and only thing
I know is that God is driving here.
Every time I’ve turned to Him the answer has been to do my best and <i>trust Him.</i> I don’t know that I’ve ever had a harder time
putting my life in God’s hands. The one
thing holding me together is a line from a well loved song “trusting my all to Thy tender care, and
knowing Thou lovest me, I’ll go where you want me to go dear Lord. I’ll be what you want me to be.” I’m trying to follow through on that
commitment. I have to remember that God
has no other purpose in existence save the well being of His children. The universe was created for me (and all the
other spirit children of God.) He can
surely get me a job. If this is right,
it is right <i>because</i> it will bring me
happiness.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Many people have complimented me on my strength. It’s not mine. I have been granted peace, and the love of
many good people. I am so grateful for
everyone on my side. Sometimes I just
need to cry about all of this. That
happens once or twice a day. Then I pick
up the pieces and get back to work. Many people have gotten angry on my behalf when they hear my story. It is wonderful for me to see how many people in my life truly love me and feel my pain as their own. I am more grateful than I can say for their support. However, my caveat here is that the anger doesn't help anything. I need peace now more than I need anything else. I cannot absorb that anger and still have peace, so I choose to leave it all together.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I will try to keep my loved ones posted on this blog. Thank you again for all those that care. It does help.</div>
</div>Janahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17889201222597280260noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2472680987106404538.post-53244511775646396862011-10-30T10:09:00.000-07:002012-06-29T22:00:15.196-07:00Best Friends<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
I've been thinking a lot about what makes a best friend. I have 3, but I want to focus on just one. She might hate me for this, but we'll get over it. We're best friends after all. We are an unlikely pair. Some of our deepest held beliefs are opposite. Where she is extremely quiet most of the time, I am, let's just say not. Our political standpoints couldn't have been further apart when we met. So how are we best friends? Here are my thoughts so far.<br />
<br />
1) The history. With every trial that I face, I go to her. I just tell her what happened and she knows the rest. After over 11 years of friendship she knows how everything will affect me.<br />
<br />
2) BECAUSE we are so different. In some ways I can read her mind, as she can mine. I know her so well that I know how she reacts to just about anything, except when she surprises me. That happens most times we talk. How after 11 years can she still stop me dead in my tracks with a new thought? I don't know, but I do know that listening to her has made me the person I am and continues to make me expand my view.<br />
<br />
3) The trust. This is the biggest one. I know she loves who I really am. No one, not even my family, knows me better than her. She loves the good, the bad and the ugly. Goodness knows she's seen all of them, and she's still around. Victor Hugo once wrote: "The supreme happiness of life is in the conviction that we are loved; loved for ourselves, or rather, in spite of ourselves." I think she loves me for myself, even knowing my weakness.<br />
<br />
The best part of a best friend is all these wonderful things I've written about her apply to me too. The big word for it is "reciprocity." I have total reciprocity with her. Life's been throwing me some curveballs lately. Tonight I told her all about them, and she listened. Whenever she does that I feel confinent and content. She gave me new insight, but mostly was just cheered me on. I meet her needs in a different way sometimes, but I meet the same needs. <br />
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I hope everyone gets a friendship like this. They are lots and lots of work. In the beginning a lot of forgiveness and acceptance of differences lays the foundation. It's not always easy to make the time and to be as tactful as you should be. At least I had a hard time at first. But now I have a best friend that is a rock in all I do. I have someone who supports me through the downs and celebrates with me on the ups, as I do for her.</div>Janahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17889201222597280260noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2472680987106404538.post-19565690509175505812011-06-01T21:47:00.002-07:002011-06-01T22:25:26.494-07:00I know it's late, but I wanted to post something for Memorial Day. I love our country. I love every inspired event that lead to what we have today. The greatest way I could think of observing this holiday was to reread the Gettysburg address. And call to thank some <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_0" class="blsp-spelling-corrected">veterans</span>, but as Memorial Day is dedicated to the ones that died I would like to post both Abraham <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_1" class="blsp-spelling-corrected">Lincoln's</span> historic and inspired speech and a link to a song that I think captures the spirit of the holiday.<br /><br /><strong><span style="color:#990000;">Four score and seven years ago our fathers brought forth on this continent, a new nation, <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_2" class="blsp-spelling-corrected">conceived</span> in Liberty, and dedicated to the proposition that all men are created equal.</span></strong><br /><strong><span style="color:#990000;"></span></strong><br /><strong><span style="color:#990000;">Now we are engaged in a great Civil War, testing whether that nation, so founded, or any nation so <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_3" class="blsp-spelling-corrected">conceived</span> and dedicated, can long endure. We are met on a great battle field of war. We have come to dedicate a portion of that field, as a final resting place for those who here gave their lives that that nation might live. It is altogether fitting and proper that we should do this.</span></strong><br /><strong><span style="color:#990000;"></span></strong><br /><strong><span style="color:#990000;">But in a larger sense we cannot dedicate-we can not consecrate-we can not hallow-this <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_4" class="blsp-spelling-corrected">ground</span>. The brave men, living and dead, who struggled here have consecrated it, far above our poor power to add or detract. The world will little note, nor long remember, what we say here, but it can never forget what they did here. It is for us the living, rather, to be dedicated here to the unfinished work which those who fought here have so nobly advanced. It is rather for us the living to be dedicated to the great task remaining before us-that from these honored dead we take increased devotion to that cause for which they gave their last full measure of devotion-that we here highly resolve that these dead shall not have died in vain-that this nation, under God, shall have a new birth of freedom-and that government of the people, by the people, for the people, shall not perish from this earth. </span></strong><br /><strong><span style="color:#990000;"></span></strong><br /><span style="color:#000000;">I would like to note that I don't think the fight is finished. This is one of those things we have to do every day. This song has long been a favorite of mine, and I dedicate it to my Grandpa Terry who gave more than I could ever know.</span><br /><br /><br /><div align="center"><a href="http://www.youtube.com/oL_K8G6jdHA">Some Gave All</a></div>Janahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17889201222597280260noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2472680987106404538.post-34289884014694608332011-05-22T17:34:00.003-07:002011-05-22T23:08:57.960-07:00Oh I see!Vision correction has always been interesting to me. Well, ever since I needed it. So the other night I took out my contacts and went to put my glasses on. I opened my glasses case but didn't feel my glasses. Bringing the case up to my nose, I realized that yes, they were not in the case. Now <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_0" class="blsp-spelling-corrected">normally</span> I could have looked for my glasses, but since I can't see without my glasses, that would be kind of pointless. So I can't see to find my corrective lenses. Is it just me that finds this to be a catch 22? P. S. I did find my glasses after I put my contacts back in.Janahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17889201222597280260noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2472680987106404538.post-59247293019699206992010-04-03T20:20:00.003-07:002010-04-03T20:33:51.633-07:00On my kneesI have to say that I like my body. It is not perfect, but it's mine and I like it. I just wish that it liked me too.<br /><br />A few years ago I got in a few accidents and my knee had the opportunity to sacrifice itself for me. I will be forever greatful, but unfortunately there are consequenses. My knee has kind of a self-serving attitude, and feels the need to remind me of the injury from time to time. Tonight is one of those times.<br /><br />I would like to reconcile with my knee. I have done everything I know of. Brace, ice, runner's candy (Ibuprofen) but nothing is working. Hey, I like my knee just fine. Why can't it just accept that and get over the leeetle issue of a few surgeries and be nice to me? Just wonderin'.Janahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17889201222597280260noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2472680987106404538.post-5733626066735559592010-03-07T13:13:00.003-07:002010-03-07T23:51:26.129-07:00Date with DestinyHey all! Don't you just wish this blog was going to be as exciting as the title makes it sound? Today in RS we were talking about preparedness through finding employment. It <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_0">occurred</span> to me how similar finding a vocation is to finding a spouse. At this exact moment in my life, I'm not too concerned about the whole spouse thing, but a vocation is always a good thing. Here are the similarities between the two that I found<br /><br /><ul><br /><li>Any righteous man and woman can make a marriage work. We've all heard that quote a million times, admit it. But the truth is that some personalities just work better together than others. Sometimes, no matter how righteous you both are, you just don't sustain each other merely because of the ways you are different. Other times you find a companion that you feel good around, and you want to be with them no matter what your differences are. Well today one girl said she wanted to be a mechanical engineer. Gag me, that is a circle of hell. Can you imagine spending the rest of your life doing math? Now that is honest work, and I'm sure she will be happy in it. I'm also sure if the Lord would assist me (a LOT) I could make that work as my career. However, my personality is so much better suited to the careers I've chosen for myself. So I pass up a perfectly wonderful honest career and everything it has to offer, and instead choose another equally wonderful career.</li><br /><li>It's okay to explore. I've heard the statistic that the <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_1">average</span> college student changes their major 2.5 times. I think this is similar to the exploration known as dating. For instance, I took several psychology classes, and courted the idea of working in a battered women's and children's shelter. This is a very good vocation, but we had to break up because I realized I couldn't do it. I think it is good to try some ideas on for size, spend time with them, and get to know them, until you find the one that is good for you</li><br /><li>I so look forward to the perfect job, and I intend to have it. But that perfection will still include bad days. Some days nothing will go as planned, in a bad way, and I will be handling thing poorly. The good thing about bad days, when you are in the right place and doing the right thing, is that they pass. Bad days will happen early in your employed life, and after you've been there most of your life.</li><br /><li>Finally, understanding that things will change. I have talked to a lot of people about there long-lived working life, and they have all told me that the job changed over time, or there <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_3">responsibilities</span> have changed over time. Just like relationships change over time, hopefully for the better, but change for sure.</li></ul><p>I don't know what the correlation means, but I find it interesting that there are so many correlations. The good news is that I can take all the relationship and marriage advice and understanding I have, and put it into something that is <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_4">pertinent</span> to me.</p>Janahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17889201222597280260noreply@blogger.com0