This morning Hubby kissed me goodbye and left for work, just like every morning. About 2 minutes later he comes back in and says "Jana, my car won't start, can I drive yours today?" That was no problem for today but tomorrow it would be a BIG problem. After looking at it for a few minutes I quickly realized the problem must be with either the starter or the battery. The battery was replaced less than a year ago, so my money was on the starter. Quite literally, as a starter runs around $400. We weren't going to be able to tow it today, and I wanted to avoid towing (read: extra $100) if we could, since we don't have the money to start with. I went outside with the intention to call my cousin Calvin, the Car Whisperer, to see if he knew anything that would help. I got ahold of his wife who told me he was unavailable. Sad day. Before I even hung up my cell, one of our neighbors came to me and said "I'm a mechanic, can I look at your car?" He tried to start it, and it didn't work. He then popped the hood and jiggled a wire. Voila! He then gave us the cost estimate: 75 cents! Yep, you read that right, 3/4 of a dollar. The battery needs to be cleaned off with a can of coke. I tell you, whoever our guardian angels are, they don't get paid enough!
Wednesday, September 24, 2014
Turning Over a New Leaf
So, I promised myself and my lovely Katie (you can find her here) that I would start blogging again.
I have a problem with blogging. I love writing about my wonderful, happy, perfect, life and sharing the joy I have with friends and family alike. The problem is that my life rarely looks that perfect, so I stop posting. Not any more! This blog is going to be for real. Not gonna lie, I have some picture perfect moments. And I have moments, hours, days, weeks, etc that are not so picture perfect. And I very rarely take pictures anyway for the simple fact that I forget.
In my quest to be more authentic, I am also starting to publish my story. You can find it on ff.net or on ao3.org -whichever floats your goat. It's an Avatar the Last Airbender fanfic about my favorite character-Iroh. This goes from the birth of his son to leaving the Fire Nation with Zuko. It's a daunting story to tell, and though I look forward to writing it, I am scared I won't do it justice, though having an experienced beta like ljlee helps.
In regular life I'm balancing being a newly(ish)wed to my sensitive, loving hubby(love!), going to grad school full time(love/hate), and going to work. So here goes my next adventure!
I have a problem with blogging. I love writing about my wonderful, happy, perfect, life and sharing the joy I have with friends and family alike. The problem is that my life rarely looks that perfect, so I stop posting. Not any more! This blog is going to be for real. Not gonna lie, I have some picture perfect moments. And I have moments, hours, days, weeks, etc that are not so picture perfect. And I very rarely take pictures anyway for the simple fact that I forget.
In my quest to be more authentic, I am also starting to publish my story. You can find it on ff.net or on ao3.org -whichever floats your goat. It's an Avatar the Last Airbender fanfic about my favorite character-Iroh. This goes from the birth of his son to leaving the Fire Nation with Zuko. It's a daunting story to tell, and though I look forward to writing it, I am scared I won't do it justice, though having an experienced beta like ljlee helps.
In regular life I'm balancing being a newly(ish)wed to my sensitive, loving hubby(love!), going to grad school full time(love/hate), and going to work. So here goes my next adventure!
Tuesday, August 5, 2014
Connection Power
Thank heaven for the internet, I would not be where I am
today without it. First of all, my
entire degree is online. There is no way
I could go back to school if I did not have online classes to cater to my
schedule. Sure, correspondence school
has existed since 1840, but with online courses I get to be in an actual class
and develop friendships with my classmates.
I may never have met Shannon Huston in person, but we have collaborated
so much over the last two years, she is my go-to woman when I need ideas.
Likewise, I have not met Jee in person, or in a class, but she is one
of my most valuable professional resources I have. I may never meet her, seeing as she lives in
Seoul, South Korea, but she is a dear friend and mentor none the less. Because of the internet I have people in my
life I could never have met otherwise, people I now cherish and run to whenever
I have a question.
Thanks to the internet, I can access resources from all over
the world. The databases of professional
knowledge are invaluable to the communities they serve. School librarianship exists in many countries
and they all do research. Most of my
paper for my class on how children respond to literature was based on research
from Denmark and China. Sure there was
research on children and stories here in the United States, but research on how
stories affect the linguistic development of children? That seems to be taking place on other
continents these days. This commercial may be about television, but it conveys exactly how I feel about the internet:
The internet is the focus of my study. I am going into library science, which is not
about libraries, per se. It’s all about
the information, and where to find it. Now,
you can find most of it online if you know where to look. Google can be great if you know how to speak
computer, but otherwise it can return a mess.
That is why librarians take classes like “online searching” “online
searching medical” and “online searching music.” Of course, these teach more than just Google. There are so many databases out there-and
they have so many answers! I have Goggled
“latest research on boys transitional literacy” but I will not find something I
could use in an academic paper.
All these things I mentioned help with academics, but education
is more than just academics. Education is
learning to understand and apply what you know.
Learning to recite information or even explain only one point of view is
not education, it is brainwashing. Because
of the internet any viewpoint is available on any subject. Just recently I read this blog, which
includes information not published in the official channels.
The internet is
arguably the most powerful tool of our day.
Like all power, it can be used for many different purposes. While this commercial clearly shows some of
the good accomplished via screen, but the following quote by Neil Postman sums
up very well how the internet hinders my education:
What Orwell feared were those who would ban books. What Huxley feared was that there would be no reason to ban a book, for there would be no one who wanted to read one. Orwell feared those who would deprive us of information.Huxley feared those who would give us so much that we would be reduced to passivity and egoism. Orwell feared that the truth would be concealed from us.Huxley feared the truth would be drowned in a sea of irrelevance. Orwell feared we would become a captive culture. Huxley feared we would become a trivial culture, preoccupied with some equivalent of the feelies, the orgy porgy, and the centrifugal bumblepuppy. As Huxley remarked in Brave New World Revisited, the civil libertarians and rationalists who are ever on the alert to oppose tyranny "failed to take into account man's almost infinite appetite for distractions." In 1984, Orwell added, people are controlled by inflicting pain. In Brave New World, they are controlled by inflicting pleasure. In short, Orwell feared that what we fear will ruin us. Huxley feared that what we desire will ruin us. (Postman, 1985)
My appetite for distraction is indeed infinite. As I write this, or anything else, I have Facebook
open. That’s not to say there is
anything wrong with Facebook, but it is not helpful in me being a better writer
or student. I refuse to bring my laptop
to class because I know I will end up tuning out the teacher to take a quiz on “Which
60’s Screen Idol Are You?”
In short, the internet is a source of power. It is the power to connect, to see the world,
to visualize and then realize our dreams.
When I use this power for our own edification, it can be one of the
greatest benefits to mankind in modern day.
When I become consumers to the exclusion of building, that is when it
becomes power against me instead of power for me.
Reference:
Postman, Neil. Amusing Ourselves to Death: Public Discourse in the Age of Show Business. New York: Viking, 1985. Print.
Sunday, June 16, 2013
The Truth About Romance
Today I want to address an open letter (that means everyone can read it) to the three girls that mean more to me than my own life. Lady and ZeeZee, you are becoming young women. Blondie, you are a bit young for this, but I want you to pay attention too. You shouldn't be having boyfriends for many years yet, but you are starting to imagine what it would be like. I want to make sure you know the truth.
First I want all three of you to know- you are beautiful. I know me telling you that is like hearing it from your mom. Inside you’re rolling your eyes and thinking “whatever Jana, you have to say that because we’re family.” No, you really are beautiful. Seeing you brightens my day, and when I have trouble sleeping at night, I picture your smiles. You are the happiest, brightest part of my life. If you know you’re beautiful, your life will be much better. You don’t need someone to complete you, and you don’t need someone to make you happy. I promise you if you can’t be happy by yourself, no one else will ever make you happy.
At your age, you are getting less concerned with what I think and more concerned with what boys think. You want to know you can be loved the way you see your parents love each other, and the answer is yes you can, and you will be-in time. Now that you’re teenagers I’m starting to get scared that you won’t understand what real love is. The books, the movies, the pictures on the internet, they’re all lying to you, my little loves. If you expect life to be like the movies you see, you may be in for a lifetime of disappointment. Love is not some instantaneous, magical moment. No no dears, the truth is a million times better than the movies.
First of all, Lady, you recently told me that boys your age are weird and gross. Yes dear, they are. But you have a lot of growing up to do yourself. When the boys stop being so gross (around the time you get home from serving a mission ;) you will be a lot better prepared for a relationship. One of the first lies you’ve been told about love is that it only happens once. I used to believe that. I thought if ever anyone expressed interest in me I needed to snag him fast, because if I lost that first one I was doomed for eternity. I’m here now to say you will probably fall in love more than once. Every time will be different and valuable, but don’t think that any relationship is the last chance you have. There are more wonderful experiences ahead of you three than you can possibly imagine at this point.
I see so many pictures like this on the internet.
The truth is, when you start dating, sometimes even the very best man will say things that hurt your feelings. Sometimes he’ll be a dork and say something without thinking. And if we’re being honest here, girls tend to get hurt over dumb stuff sometimes. I remember being very upset with my boyfriend’s insensitivity while he was sitting there trying to figure out what was going on. I guarantee this will happen to you. Anyone you date will think differently than you, and understanding one another will take patience and effort. Please don’t drop someone the first time they say something you don’t like.
This is another big cause of contention.
Girls, he’s not a mind reader. You need to tell him what you want. If you’re crying and he asks what’s wrong and you say “nothing, I’m fine.” He is going to think you want him to pretend everything is fine. How would you like your mom or I to get mad at you for not doing things we never told you to do? It’s not fair to hold him to expectations you didn’t tell him. Girls, please, be classier than that.
This one is really important to me.
Darlings, jealousy is not cute. Jealousy is not proof that he loves you, and it is not proof that you’re valuable to him. Jealousy is him thinking he owns you. If your guy has jealousy issues, run the other way as fast as your two feet can take you. If in the future you date someone with this problem, call me and I will leave work or whatever I’m doing to come get you. Stay away from jealous guys, they will never treat you as a person-only as another one of their “things.” There are some men you really should avoid like the plague, but trust me, I'll make sure you can spot them from a mile off long before your first date.
Right now, you are starting to have visions of that perfect man. The movies you watch and the books you read tell you he should always know the right thing to say, should stick with the relationship no matter how you treat him, and make everything better. When you do find that someone, I’m telling you right now, he will be human. He will make mistakes and often he won’t know what to say. He won’t be able to make your problems go away, but being around him will make them easier to handle. The important thing is-even when he makes mistakes you will still know he cares about you. The joy of relationships is in overcoming things together. Yes, he needs to know you are a princess and you should be treated like one, but never forget that he’s a prince. Expect respect, but make sure you give it too.
I have one last thought, so stay with me for one more paragraph. All your lives you’ve been told that 16 is the magical age of dating. I want you to know that I didn’t go on a single date when I was 16. I went on my first date when I was 19, and I was 20 before anyone ever asked me out. If no boys ask you out, it is not a reflection on you. It isn’t even a reflection on them, it’s just the way life goes sometimes. I promise you all those romantic dreams you are storing up in your hearts will come true, even if you have to wait for them. This is something well worth waiting for. In the mean time, don’t worry. Become your best, happiest self and draw close to the Lord. Your teen and young single adult years should be some of the most testimony-building years of your life. Trust God and learn to love yourself-this relationship thing is something you should be able to look forward to for many years yet.
All my love,
Your beloved Aunt Jana.
First I want all three of you to know- you are beautiful. I know me telling you that is like hearing it from your mom. Inside you’re rolling your eyes and thinking “whatever Jana, you have to say that because we’re family.” No, you really are beautiful. Seeing you brightens my day, and when I have trouble sleeping at night, I picture your smiles. You are the happiest, brightest part of my life. If you know you’re beautiful, your life will be much better. You don’t need someone to complete you, and you don’t need someone to make you happy. I promise you if you can’t be happy by yourself, no one else will ever make you happy.
At your age, you are getting less concerned with what I think and more concerned with what boys think. You want to know you can be loved the way you see your parents love each other, and the answer is yes you can, and you will be-in time. Now that you’re teenagers I’m starting to get scared that you won’t understand what real love is. The books, the movies, the pictures on the internet, they’re all lying to you, my little loves. If you expect life to be like the movies you see, you may be in for a lifetime of disappointment. Love is not some instantaneous, magical moment. No no dears, the truth is a million times better than the movies.
First of all, Lady, you recently told me that boys your age are weird and gross. Yes dear, they are. But you have a lot of growing up to do yourself. When the boys stop being so gross (around the time you get home from serving a mission ;) you will be a lot better prepared for a relationship. One of the first lies you’ve been told about love is that it only happens once. I used to believe that. I thought if ever anyone expressed interest in me I needed to snag him fast, because if I lost that first one I was doomed for eternity. I’m here now to say you will probably fall in love more than once. Every time will be different and valuable, but don’t think that any relationship is the last chance you have. There are more wonderful experiences ahead of you three than you can possibly imagine at this point.
I see so many pictures like this on the internet.
The truth is, when you start dating, sometimes even the very best man will say things that hurt your feelings. Sometimes he’ll be a dork and say something without thinking. And if we’re being honest here, girls tend to get hurt over dumb stuff sometimes. I remember being very upset with my boyfriend’s insensitivity while he was sitting there trying to figure out what was going on. I guarantee this will happen to you. Anyone you date will think differently than you, and understanding one another will take patience and effort. Please don’t drop someone the first time they say something you don’t like.
This is another big cause of contention.
Girls, he’s not a mind reader. You need to tell him what you want. If you’re crying and he asks what’s wrong and you say “nothing, I’m fine.” He is going to think you want him to pretend everything is fine. How would you like your mom or I to get mad at you for not doing things we never told you to do? It’s not fair to hold him to expectations you didn’t tell him. Girls, please, be classier than that.
This one is really important to me.
Darlings, jealousy is not cute. Jealousy is not proof that he loves you, and it is not proof that you’re valuable to him. Jealousy is him thinking he owns you. If your guy has jealousy issues, run the other way as fast as your two feet can take you. If in the future you date someone with this problem, call me and I will leave work or whatever I’m doing to come get you. Stay away from jealous guys, they will never treat you as a person-only as another one of their “things.” There are some men you really should avoid like the plague, but trust me, I'll make sure you can spot them from a mile off long before your first date.
Right now, you are starting to have visions of that perfect man. The movies you watch and the books you read tell you he should always know the right thing to say, should stick with the relationship no matter how you treat him, and make everything better. When you do find that someone, I’m telling you right now, he will be human. He will make mistakes and often he won’t know what to say. He won’t be able to make your problems go away, but being around him will make them easier to handle. The important thing is-even when he makes mistakes you will still know he cares about you. The joy of relationships is in overcoming things together. Yes, he needs to know you are a princess and you should be treated like one, but never forget that he’s a prince. Expect respect, but make sure you give it too.
I have one last thought, so stay with me for one more paragraph. All your lives you’ve been told that 16 is the magical age of dating. I want you to know that I didn’t go on a single date when I was 16. I went on my first date when I was 19, and I was 20 before anyone ever asked me out. If no boys ask you out, it is not a reflection on you. It isn’t even a reflection on them, it’s just the way life goes sometimes. I promise you all those romantic dreams you are storing up in your hearts will come true, even if you have to wait for them. This is something well worth waiting for. In the mean time, don’t worry. Become your best, happiest self and draw close to the Lord. Your teen and young single adult years should be some of the most testimony-building years of your life. Trust God and learn to love yourself-this relationship thing is something you should be able to look forward to for many years yet.
All my love,
Your beloved Aunt Jana.
Tuesday, May 14, 2013
Another New Song
Soon I'll post about new group love and rave about Only Boys Aloud, but for now I want to talk about this amazing and innovative song.
This song is from the musical Chess, which I have no desire to see-the main character has to pick between his wife and his girlfriend in the second half and the whole concept just doesn't work for me.
That being said, this song is about the main character, Anatoly, and his decision to defect from Russia during the Cold War. When the press got wind of it they asked why he was leaving his country and he says that his country is far more than the political strife of nations. Russia is not a place, it's a state of being, and he will always be Russian.
Josh Groban fangirl that I am, I'm putting his version first.
This next version is from the Welsh Choir Only Men Aloud. I like the Welsh language, but don't find it any more beautiful than any other translation of this song. What I do like is that these men from a historically oppressed region are singing this in their native language-that adds some power. I also love the choice to split the words among four soloists-it seems more moving to me that way.
And finally (you did want all three versions, didn't you?) here is a boys chorus (ages 14-19) singing the exact same Welsh translation. While it lacks the nuance of the older performers, I think there's a special honesty to it that sets it apart.
I really like the concept discussed in the song-that nationality is more than location. I know I am American. To me that means being independent, stubborn, optimistic about the future, and willing to argue my point. I'm also from the southwest, which I think means I'm more honest, less enamored of "fancy" things-houses, cars, clothes, what have you, and that I'm close to my roots-case in point the family ranch. That's not to say that every American fits this, or that every self-proclaimed cowgirl does either. I'm just saying that when I travel the world I'm going to take America with me and for me that's what it will look like.
So, faithful readers-all two of you-what does your nationality mean to you?
This song is from the musical Chess, which I have no desire to see-the main character has to pick between his wife and his girlfriend in the second half and the whole concept just doesn't work for me.
That being said, this song is about the main character, Anatoly, and his decision to defect from Russia during the Cold War. When the press got wind of it they asked why he was leaving his country and he says that his country is far more than the political strife of nations. Russia is not a place, it's a state of being, and he will always be Russian.
No man, no madness
Though their sad power may prevail
Can possess, conquer, my country's heart
They rise to fail
She is eternal
Long before nations' lines were drawn
When no flags flew, when no armies stood
My land was born
And you ask me why I love her
Through wars, death and despair
She is the constant, we who don't care
And you wonder will I leave her - but how?
I cross over borders but I'm still there now
How can I leave her?
Where would I start?
Let man's petty nations tear themselves apart
My land's only borders lie around my heart
Josh Groban fangirl that I am, I'm putting his version first.
So, faithful readers-all two of you-what does your nationality mean to you?
Saturday, March 9, 2013
New Song Love
Okay the title's a misnomer because the song came out in 2001, but somehow I missed it. This is Lullaby for a Stormy Night by Vienna Tang and every time I hear it I love it a little more.
I first fell in love with the soft, uncomplicated piano accompaniment and desire to play this song. Then I fell in love with the premise-lullabies are the type of music I would study for the rest of my life if I could. Then I fell in love with the message of the song.
It was hard at first for me to imagine myself in the child's place because I love thunderstorms; I sit on my porch and watch them all night long given half a chance. But then I realized this isn't just about thunderstorms, it's about all life's trials, and I'd like to break it down a little.
little child, be not afraid
though rain pounds harshly against the glass
like an unwanted stranger, there is no danger
I am here tonight
How often are our fears unfounded? I know I frequently wake up in terror from nightmares of things that NEVER REALLY HAPPENED. Okay, sure, maybe someday my precious child will get in a car accident and die, but at that moment I am losing sleep over fear for a child safely tucked in their bed.
little child, be not afraid
though thunder explodes and lightning flash
illuminates your tear-stained face
I am here tonight
This is my favorite message of this song-that fear is okay. Whether it's founded or not, it is natural for us to be afraid and we can be helped through these challenges.
and someday you'll know
that nature is so
the same rain that draws you near me
falls on rivers and land
on forests and sand
makes the beautiful world that you'll see
in the morning
Trials-the storms in our lives-they are no fun, but from a desert dwelling perspectives these thunderstorms are our lifeblood. I've lived in agricultural areas and seen fear as the droughts have dragged on, I've seen increasingly more desperate measures passed to increase our water rights, I've heard of feuds being fought over use of water. These huge thunderstorms mean life to us in a life and death situation
Likewise, we pass through challenges that are not fun, but they are needful in order for us to grow. Sad fact: you're probably in for something harder down the road. If we didn't have these trials how could we hope to face what's ahead or to appreciate the beauty around us? When you think about it honestly, how much of the beauty in your life can be traced to things you had to overcome?
little child, be not afraid
though storm clouds mask your beloved moon
and its candlelight beams, still keep pleasant dreams
I am here tonight
When I was depressed I felt no love of any kind-not for anyone or from anyone. I felt no joy and no hope and I didn't know if I would ever again. The thing was, those things were always there, just couldn't see them. They hadn't even moved, they were just hidden for the moment. The moment passed and I saw everything I had wanted was mine to begin with.
little child, be not afraid
though wind makes creatures of our trees
and their branches to hands, they're not real, understand
and I am here tonight
We may know in our minds that these things aren't true-monsters aren't waiting to eat us, people don't often die on the operating table, etc, but sometimes we need someone to acknowledge our fear and reassure us. It doesn't make it go away, but it makes it a little easier to deal with. Sometimes all we need is that someone to anchor us to reality and reassure us we will be okay
for you know, once even I was a
little child, and I was afraid
but a gentle someone always came
to dry all my tears, trade sweet sleep for fears
and to give a kiss goodnight
It's a comforting thought that the parents who rocked me to sleep when I was sick once needed to be rocked. My niece's tears when she didn't perform as she hoped really tugged at my heart because I remember shedding the same tears at her age (and now on occasion.) Sometimes we all need comfort and strength from loved ones, and sometimes we can give it. Life is wonderful that way.
well now I am grown
and these years have shown
that rain's a part of how life goes
but it's dark and it's late
so I'll hold you and wait
'til your frightened eyes do close
It's wonderful that the things I worried about as a child don't scare me anymore. I used to be so scared I would someday lose my mobility. Now I know if that ever does happen I can handle it. I still don't like the thought, but I've had experience enough to know that I'll be okay. Likewise I fought tooth and nail to keep my first boyfriend from breaking up with me because I had no idea how to put myself back together afterwards. Now I know that breakups are hard, but I can gain as much from them as the relationship.
I tell my little ones that they will be fine, but when they are still afraid I try to just hold them. Life must be lived and now they are gaining strength and experience. I've learned the wisdom in just holding them and waiting.
and I hope that you'll know...
everything's fine in the morning
the rain'll be gone in the morning
but I'll still be here in the morning
Now I have conquered the trials I faced so long ago. I changed my career path, got out of the wheelchair, beat depression, and learned to love again. The storm has passed (at least in those matters) but so many wonderful friends who lifted and supported me are still with me sharing in the joy and success. When the storm is passed the world is truly a more beautiful place.
A final thought-think of yourself as the child and God as the parent-I like that interpretation best.
I first fell in love with the soft, uncomplicated piano accompaniment and desire to play this song. Then I fell in love with the premise-lullabies are the type of music I would study for the rest of my life if I could. Then I fell in love with the message of the song.
It was hard at first for me to imagine myself in the child's place because I love thunderstorms; I sit on my porch and watch them all night long given half a chance. But then I realized this isn't just about thunderstorms, it's about all life's trials, and I'd like to break it down a little.
though rain pounds harshly against the glass
like an unwanted stranger, there is no danger
I am here tonight
How often are our fears unfounded? I know I frequently wake up in terror from nightmares of things that NEVER REALLY HAPPENED. Okay, sure, maybe someday my precious child will get in a car accident and die, but at that moment I am losing sleep over fear for a child safely tucked in their bed.
little child, be not afraid
though thunder explodes and lightning flash
illuminates your tear-stained face
I am here tonight
This is my favorite message of this song-that fear is okay. Whether it's founded or not, it is natural for us to be afraid and we can be helped through these challenges.
and someday you'll know
that nature is so
the same rain that draws you near me
falls on rivers and land
on forests and sand
makes the beautiful world that you'll see
in the morning
Trials-the storms in our lives-they are no fun, but from a desert dwelling perspectives these thunderstorms are our lifeblood. I've lived in agricultural areas and seen fear as the droughts have dragged on, I've seen increasingly more desperate measures passed to increase our water rights, I've heard of feuds being fought over use of water. These huge thunderstorms mean life to us in a life and death situation
Likewise, we pass through challenges that are not fun, but they are needful in order for us to grow. Sad fact: you're probably in for something harder down the road. If we didn't have these trials how could we hope to face what's ahead or to appreciate the beauty around us? When you think about it honestly, how much of the beauty in your life can be traced to things you had to overcome?
little child, be not afraid
though storm clouds mask your beloved moon
and its candlelight beams, still keep pleasant dreams
I am here tonight
When I was depressed I felt no love of any kind-not for anyone or from anyone. I felt no joy and no hope and I didn't know if I would ever again. The thing was, those things were always there, just couldn't see them. They hadn't even moved, they were just hidden for the moment. The moment passed and I saw everything I had wanted was mine to begin with.
little child, be not afraid
though wind makes creatures of our trees
and their branches to hands, they're not real, understand
and I am here tonight
We may know in our minds that these things aren't true-monsters aren't waiting to eat us, people don't often die on the operating table, etc, but sometimes we need someone to acknowledge our fear and reassure us. It doesn't make it go away, but it makes it a little easier to deal with. Sometimes all we need is that someone to anchor us to reality and reassure us we will be okay
for you know, once even I was a
little child, and I was afraid
but a gentle someone always came
to dry all my tears, trade sweet sleep for fears
and to give a kiss goodnight
It's a comforting thought that the parents who rocked me to sleep when I was sick once needed to be rocked. My niece's tears when she didn't perform as she hoped really tugged at my heart because I remember shedding the same tears at her age (and now on occasion.) Sometimes we all need comfort and strength from loved ones, and sometimes we can give it. Life is wonderful that way.
well now I am grown
and these years have shown
that rain's a part of how life goes
but it's dark and it's late
so I'll hold you and wait
'til your frightened eyes do close
It's wonderful that the things I worried about as a child don't scare me anymore. I used to be so scared I would someday lose my mobility. Now I know if that ever does happen I can handle it. I still don't like the thought, but I've had experience enough to know that I'll be okay. Likewise I fought tooth and nail to keep my first boyfriend from breaking up with me because I had no idea how to put myself back together afterwards. Now I know that breakups are hard, but I can gain as much from them as the relationship.
I tell my little ones that they will be fine, but when they are still afraid I try to just hold them. Life must be lived and now they are gaining strength and experience. I've learned the wisdom in just holding them and waiting.
and I hope that you'll know...
everything's fine in the morning
the rain'll be gone in the morning
but I'll still be here in the morning
Now I have conquered the trials I faced so long ago. I changed my career path, got out of the wheelchair, beat depression, and learned to love again. The storm has passed (at least in those matters) but so many wonderful friends who lifted and supported me are still with me sharing in the joy and success. When the storm is passed the world is truly a more beautiful place.
A final thought-think of yourself as the child and God as the parent-I like that interpretation best.
My Temple Experience
This week I had the remarkable opportunity to go through the temple of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints for the first time, and I would like to share about it.
I will talk about the temple, but skip the play by play because it wouldn't do any good. If I tried to describe it step by step I would use a lot of words and make it sound a lot more complicated than it is. The truth is that everything that happens in the temple is simple and beautiful. The subject material discussed is well covered here and (for those of you more familiar with our doctrine) here.
I think one of the biggest things that helped me prepare (besides Temple Prep class and studying this talk) was that I got to spend the day before serving others. It was one of those kinds of service that didn't cost me anything and wasn't much if any inconvenience, but I knew I was recieving blessings by focusing on someone other than myself. (kinda, I got really helped out too, but it's because I was with someone else.)
I chose the Gila Valley Temple because it is so near and dear to my heart. The temple ordinances are the same wherever you go, but for me I wanted it to be that one. It was beautiful and I loved every minute of it.
Every person is asked to bring an escort that first time through. This is so you have someone to help you know what's going on at any given moment, someone to take care of you. When I arrived my mother and I were asked to meet with the Temple President and Matron to make sure I understood what was happening here. The words President Layton said to me will stick with me the rest of my life-"Sister Jana Christensen, today you have entered the Lord's house as the guest of honor." That was how I felt the whole day.
The biggest surprise to me is that I expected something overwhelming and emotional, but it wasn't that at all. It was so simple and peaceful the whole time, and I loved it. Don't get me wrong, there's a lifetime of learning and growing to be had there, but it's a very quiet time. Of what was taught, I think my strongest impression was how much God loves each and every one of us. Adam and Eve were so dear to the Father that he put the Atonement in place for them and each and every one of their posterity. I am more committed than ever to sharing His love with all I meet, because that's what He's trying to do.
My whole life my worst fear is that if people really knew me, they would not like me. When I was in the temple I knew with my whole soul that I am loved for who I am. I am absolutely unique with a purpose and meaning to my life. I have work to do and I will find myself capable of doing it. I am excited to go back for the rest of my life and learn more, little by little, about how remarkable Gods children truly are.
For anyone reading this in anticipation of going, I have this piece of advice-don't worry. It's really calm and you are always surrounded by people lovingly guiding you. There's nothing to worry about. One or two things were a little different than what I was used to, but this morning I realized that they were good educational practice, the kind I was taught in college and were not really any different at all, I just needed to get used to them in a different setting.
I will talk about the temple, but skip the play by play because it wouldn't do any good. If I tried to describe it step by step I would use a lot of words and make it sound a lot more complicated than it is. The truth is that everything that happens in the temple is simple and beautiful. The subject material discussed is well covered here and (for those of you more familiar with our doctrine) here.
I think one of the biggest things that helped me prepare (besides Temple Prep class and studying this talk) was that I got to spend the day before serving others. It was one of those kinds of service that didn't cost me anything and wasn't much if any inconvenience, but I knew I was recieving blessings by focusing on someone other than myself. (kinda, I got really helped out too, but it's because I was with someone else.)
I chose the Gila Valley Temple because it is so near and dear to my heart. The temple ordinances are the same wherever you go, but for me I wanted it to be that one. It was beautiful and I loved every minute of it.
Every person is asked to bring an escort that first time through. This is so you have someone to help you know what's going on at any given moment, someone to take care of you. When I arrived my mother and I were asked to meet with the Temple President and Matron to make sure I understood what was happening here. The words President Layton said to me will stick with me the rest of my life-"Sister Jana Christensen, today you have entered the Lord's house as the guest of honor." That was how I felt the whole day.
The biggest surprise to me is that I expected something overwhelming and emotional, but it wasn't that at all. It was so simple and peaceful the whole time, and I loved it. Don't get me wrong, there's a lifetime of learning and growing to be had there, but it's a very quiet time. Of what was taught, I think my strongest impression was how much God loves each and every one of us. Adam and Eve were so dear to the Father that he put the Atonement in place for them and each and every one of their posterity. I am more committed than ever to sharing His love with all I meet, because that's what He's trying to do.
My whole life my worst fear is that if people really knew me, they would not like me. When I was in the temple I knew with my whole soul that I am loved for who I am. I am absolutely unique with a purpose and meaning to my life. I have work to do and I will find myself capable of doing it. I am excited to go back for the rest of my life and learn more, little by little, about how remarkable Gods children truly are.
For anyone reading this in anticipation of going, I have this piece of advice-don't worry. It's really calm and you are always surrounded by people lovingly guiding you. There's nothing to worry about. One or two things were a little different than what I was used to, but this morning I realized that they were good educational practice, the kind I was taught in college and were not really any different at all, I just needed to get used to them in a different setting.
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