Hello everyone. Some big changes have happened in my life lately- I want everyone to have the same story, rather than relying on the rumor mill, so here it is.
I’m no longer in teacher school. I was told that leaving was my only option
and accepted it without question. The
next day when I was thinking a little clearer I tried to take it back, but it
wasn’t going to happen. I’m graduating
with a degree in Selected Studies in Education.
It’s still an elementary education degree, but with no teaching
certificate. I’m sure it’s possible to
assign blame here. I personally feel
very unjustly treated. However, there
are 2 sides to the story. Christ said
“with what judgment ye judge, you shall be judged.” If this is true, I certainly of all people
must judge mercifully. I choose to see
that everyone involved was doing what they thought was right, and that the Lord
has a hand in guiding such things.
You know, it feels like my life has been turned upside
down. I don’t know what I’m doing
anymore. I’ve always been a to-do list
kinda girl and now the carefully laid plans I had are gone. It’s an insecure feeling, but at the same
time, it’s liberating too. I have been
so focused on my goal that I haven’t considered anything but teaching for a
long time. As usual, I was very sure
what I wanted and would not be distracted from it. Now, what if I want to be a genealogical
research assistant? Or how about working
in a museum? And I was blown away by the
next thought….
What about a music teacher?
I decided to be a music teacher when I was about 13. After the whole mess with my arm I gave up on
the idea. I figured it just wasn’t meant
to be. I had a surgery on my arm, and it
didn’t heal for over a year. It did heal,
but not in time for me to get into music school. Now I’m getting myself together to start
teaching private lessons. I can do
violin, viola, cello, and piano.
I may not be as good as I once was, but I’m still pretty dang good. I still love it more than anything. Only my dad and my psychologist knew this,
but recently as I was teaching I was feeling the disconnect from music more and
more. It was starting to weigh me down.
I was so busy with school I didn’t have time for music, and my personality,
my spirit, withers without it.
As I rekindle that flame in my life, I’ve not been surprised
to find that I’m rusty. I never
recovered my technique after my last surgery because I was switched to
education before I had a chance to get my feet wet again. My bow and my fingers do not respond to my
thoughts like they used to. The only way
to fix this is plenty of practice. I’m
up to 25 minutes at a time, 4-5 times a day.
The callouses on the fingertips of my left hand are starting to come
back and it feels so good to have them there.
I’m applying to music teacher jobs at charter schools. I feel really good about one, but we’ll have
to wait and see. The one and only thing
I know is that God is driving here.
Every time I’ve turned to Him the answer has been to do my best and trust Him. I don’t know that I’ve ever had a harder time
putting my life in God’s hands. The one
thing holding me together is a line from a well loved song “trusting my all to Thy tender care, and
knowing Thou lovest me, I’ll go where you want me to go dear Lord. I’ll be what you want me to be.” I’m trying to follow through on that
commitment. I have to remember that God
has no other purpose in existence save the well being of His children. The universe was created for me (and all the
other spirit children of God.) He can
surely get me a job. If this is right,
it is right because it will bring me
happiness.
Many people have complimented me on my strength. It’s not mine. I have been granted peace, and the love of
many good people. I am so grateful for
everyone on my side. Sometimes I just
need to cry about all of this. That
happens once or twice a day. Then I pick
up the pieces and get back to work. Many people have gotten angry on my behalf when they hear my story. It is wonderful for me to see how many people in my life truly love me and feel my pain as their own. I am more grateful than I can say for their support. However, my caveat here is that the anger doesn't help anything. I need peace now more than I need anything else. I cannot absorb that anger and still have peace, so I choose to leave it all together.
I will try to keep my loved ones posted on this blog. Thank you again for all those that care. It does help.
